The last 24 hours…

9 missed calls.

ONE issue

That I have, had and continue to discuss numerous times.

On every call – as soon as I pick up DIRECTLY after I reply “alaikum salam”

At no point am I asked if I can talk right now or if I’m busy

At NO point am I asked how I AM – not EVEN as a rhetorical question!

Two missed calls in the morning by 7am – I called back and provided advice… she disagreed with the advice & I say; “ok, buts that my opinion… I can’t talk today as I’m work…” She said that she was calling to ask what she should do: I told her that yesterday when I spoke to her I told recommended what she should do and then discussed why I thought that was the best option but that she still decided to do it her way so that really as she was going to do it her way she should just go ahead and do so as I don’t know anything.

FOUR missed calls after that conversation (within a 2 hour period) yielded but one VM *amazing – just one? The most notable quote in the message that I am certain is meant to make me call her ASAP but instead had the exact opposite effect which frustrated me to no end as I am beyond dealing with this same “STUFF” all the time: “you trying to kill me – this is why you not answer your phone?”

I mean really – really? At what point does a person ask themselves “the current approach I am trying is not working; perhaps I should try another?” or “my daughter actually never asks me for anything anymore except to look after her baby but once a week – WHY does my adult daughter not rely on me?” or even “hmm – maybe it’s not everyone else around me… maybe it’s me?” 

FYI: I have tried on many occasions to approach my mum’s idiosyncrasies in more than a few different manners: I have tried the “I will do it all for you before you even ask & you will find things are just mysteriously done for you” approach… I found this was NOT a good option as whilst I don’t expect to be given words of praise I would like to have some mild acknowledgement for my contribution no to mention ist is a LOT harder doing everything when trying to juggle that, a child and all other wifely+house duties + work!. Using this methodology only made her think of more things for me to do and buy for her without her realising that I was already doing so much. I’ve tried the “I will show you once so that you can do it for yourself”, this resulted in what I have coined to be the “I will show you again for the 20th time in a row so that I can fool myself into thinking that you may eventually want to do it for yourself”. I have tried the “I am not doing anything for you and you will somehow find a way” which led to a BARRAGE of calls and messages and crying but that she somehow was able to get stuff done (proving all along what I knew: that she does know what she’s doing but prefers me to do it for her!) but also led to me feeling that I was/am a terrible child and should at least endeavour to help her where I can!

The methodology I now live by is one I can emotionally handle (that is, doing it this way does not make me feel entirely like I am the worst offspring in the world) wherein I provide advice, I listen and help up to 3 times relating to the same issue and with each subsequent time I remind that I have shown/done/advised her on this matter yesterday/earlier today/today, yesterday and the day before and then (just as clearly) advise that “this is the last time I am talking/helping you with this..” if it is mentioned again I either dismiss it or ignore it or end the call with “I love you, assalamu alaikum…” I have dubbed this my “baseball: 3 strikes” method

Honestly- if I could somehow manage to move to some far flung country I would!

If any of you say I should be ‘more patient’ let me tell you now: BITE ME! Until you have walked a mile in my shoes you have NO idea how constant this is and just how impatient she is/can be… you have no idea how the family members who used to tell me to ‘be more patient’ and ‘make dua for it to be easier’ have now finally seen a glimpse of just how she can be because now when she visits them it is without me to ‘buffer’ the way she is…

NOTE: Since typing this I have received an additional 3 missed calls and another message!

Oh and you can bet I am making dua for this whole ‘situation’ to be easier…

ON ANOTHER NOTE: Happy new year people! Welcome to 2014!

“Have a baby… it’ll be fun!” they said

I noticed that no one bothers to tell you that EXHAUSTED doesn’t even begin to describe how tired you will be… and now with lil missy being sick – I am BEYOND tired that I actually can’t sleep! How crazy is that?

I was at work on Monday (the day my mum has missy) and had literally only been there a couple hours when my mum calls saying that Amira had vomited nd seemed ok now but that she’d keep me posted; 20 minutes later I got another call with mum telling me to come home as she’d been vomiting again and was not herself at all! Thank goodness for where I work – I was outta there in 15minutes and on the road to my baby…

She looked so sad; so clammy and forlorn – I scooped her up and took her straight to the doctors (thank goodness I always have more than a few of my own doctors so I had more than one medical centre to chose from!). We sat in the waiting room and she just sat there on my lap, snuggling in close to me, sucking her dummy and resting her head against my chest. That is SO not like her during the day – usually she’s all ‘go, go, GO’ so the fact that she was resting and all affectionate the WHOLE time made me know that she was NOT well!

She’s at about 65% now I think; she had a virus and apparently that’s explained why the weekend just gone was a little “trying” with me being up more than a couple times during the night. Today there were moments where she was at her smiling, cheery self but she’d get so tired so quickly  but wouldn’t stay asleep for very long because she was coughing… poor little thing. It literally breaks my heart seeing her not herself…

It’s almost crazy when I think about it; that I can be up and down SO many times during the night, have to CONSTANTLY be tidying up after her (she is like a tornado these days!), feel so exhausted and yet I wouldn’t change it for the world! I am certain that seeing your baby sleeping, or seeing them reach out to you with those hands and the look on her face hits a reset button within your heart. It’s in those moments that I look at her and feel recharged… its crazy…

It makes me think… maybe we should have another one!

 

Crazy huh?

 

Today’s Youth

You know that signs of aging are occurring when you find yourself lamenting at the incompetencies of today’s youth… and then you laugh at the sentence you just wrote thinking about how today youth may not even comprehend the MEANING of “incompetencies”.

Last Friday I bought a few lip glosses in the same brand in numerous different colours. I went home and tried a few and surprisingly found them better than expected (especially for the crazy cheap price paid!) and wanted to exchange one of the clear ones for a pigmented tube one….

I went to a different store after reading the receipt that said that they only refund faulty products but that they exchange within 14 days with a receipt + the product in original condition.

I must first say that whilst I should not stereotype, I am usually the queen of stereotyping my own (people) so I stand firm in my own personal allowance to stereotype others! in saying that this girl was NOT blonde – she did look somewhat “vacant” in the eyes and she would have been ion the 15-17 age group.

Me: hi – I just wanted to swap this (at this point I take out said clear tube lipgloss) for this one (picking up coloured tube of gloss) – I have the receipt in the bag

Counter Staff: um – yeah – sorry, but like; we don’t do refunds here

Me: Yep – that’s fine; I did read that on the receipt but it says you can exchange within 14 days – I got this (*pointing to gloss*) yesterday and its still all sealed…

Counter Staff: oh… oookkaay (*VERY uncertain look on her face*), I’ll just need to check with my manager to see if I’m like able to do that

*the girl then goes to chat with a similar looking looking girl who looks about the same age… after a minute of chatting (which is fine) they both walk over to me*

Store Manager: So, um what was the problem with this gloss?

Me: nothing – I just want to exchange it for this other one as I wanted this colour instead

Store Manager: yeah – so, like we don’t do refunds here… it says so on the receipt….

Me: yep (I am still chatting to her as normal) – I don’t actually want to refund anything – the receipt says I can exchange. So I am exchanging this gloss for this other one which is exactly the same brand and price – just a different type…

Store Manager: oh ok then… (*looking at other girl now*) – just exchange it on the system

Anyway; it took the girl well over 5 minutes to figure out how to do it on the computer… at which time I stood there patiently wondering what has happened to the female youth and what possible hypothesis could be generated from their clear inability to do things that I am CERTAIN I could do (along with other staff I worked with at the time) when I was in the retail industry…

It led me to wonder about the possible options as to why I am finding this occurrence more prevalent:

1: Are standards to mental capacity AND ability to converse dropping within the recruitment process? Could this be because now all applications are all done online and that even then you are essentially just filling in boxes with your details? Therefore the HR department cannot properly glean that this person is in fact as alert as a pretty zombie?

2: I have noticed that girls are wearing makeup (as well as dyeing their hair) A LOT sooner these days and I am wondering if in fact all that bronzer we wear starts to permeate into our forehead and starts to kill off brain cells? This also helps to explain the mental capacity of the people in Jersey Shore, Geordie Shore and that show called Essex Style (all of which I adore watching as they all make me laugh!)

3: Is it all the hair product that girls use these days? It may be a ploy by large manufacturers to ‘dumb us down’ so that we are more susceptible to marketing mechanisms and therefore will spend more money… All that hairspray MUST affect more than just the ozone!

4: Does the movie “Clueless” have a lot MORE to answer for than we realise? Aside from the stereotype that Alicia Silverstone played let me TRULY clarify the idiocy of this: we in Australia do NOT sound like Americans… we have our own rather distinctive accent –WHY are our 15-17 year old girls sounding as though they belong in the valley? Can these girls PLEASE stop saying “like” SO much? Is that, like, possible? Like, at all?

I am not saying all those within this age group are over bronzed/tanned, too accessorised and don’t understand the concept of what a skirt is ACTUALLY meant to be about – nay; I have had and met some exceptionally articulate young individuals who are clearly going to make it beyond the perfume counter and are ACTUALLY willing to help… the sad thing is I find the ‘other’ variety far, far more depressingly prominent…

if this is the future of my yet to be conceived female children I can only think that I hope that unlike their mother they DO marry a petroleum engineer!

Oh how things (unknowingly) change…

This afternoon Mr A took a candid photo of me getting ready in the bathroom – it was purely him being a tool and not something i want the blogsphere to see. BUT in saying that, i scarily noticed the “slight” shift in what was on my bathroom table.

I – like most girls like to look my best. I (as a rule) do like some luxuries – some, not many – just a few to make me fell a lil special and let Mr A feel like his with a lil princess… without being high maintenance. I love MOR’s body butter – i am completely and utterly devoted to their Pomegranate line and insist that NO OTHER BRAND DOES IT BETTER! Every other day i apply the MOR butter on my entire body – i alternate between that and Nivea Q10 Body lotion (simply because i like it – yes, i may have been suckered into the marketing about Q10 but it is grossly cheaper than the MOR body butter). I cleanse (with Garnier Pure – i have oily skin), tone (with Lush tea-tree mist) and moisturise (Olay Special Effects – i mean they DO say that it fights the 7 seven sign of aging – who am i to argue with these statistics??) twice a day. I include a primer (because it is a crime NOT to prime) into my morning repotire (Model Co/Rimmel – I alternate) and bless the person that came up with powder mineral foundation! On nights out i ‘luxe’ it up a bit and use Bourjois’ Mousse Matte mineral liquid foundation….

And then things slowly started to change… In the search of trying to find make-up that would keep my shiny face NOT being shiny without having to touch up every other hour I scoured the web and makeup artists I knew to see what they recommended. I trawled websites for hours and reviews from http://www.beautyheaven.com.au/ to http://www.makeupalley.com/, Bubblegarm and ever so simply Googling “great photography make-up”. My quest led me to try and locate online stores that sold these products so that I could do it all at the touch of my fingertips – I went into Myers and David Jones on the hunt for new products – I was so ardent in my search that I am still unabated until I am certain that I have found the perfect combination that WILL render me speechless… as well as flawlessly oily-less.

And this is what I noticed… I am now no longer a mid-range gal.

Priceline was my one stop shop – it was my fortnightly essential location… now, whilst there is still a strong desire to go there regularly I notice I am racking up less points… First it was the discovery of MAC’s Prep & Prime… SOOOO much better than the Model Co and the Rimmel – alas those 2 sit now in the back of the drawer. Then came the end of the little pot of MAC Matte Gel which they gave me to sample… I begrudgingly had to admit defeat and proclaim that I DID like it… and had to buy said tube. Next was my change from Olay Special Effects moisturizer to Clinique’s Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel – my heart both soared and plummeted as it mattifed my face to pure perfection and required only ONE touch up at the end of my work day!!!! And then today came MAC’s Studio Fix… with the quiet intention of me returning to the MAC counter next week to get the matching liquid foundation! I forgot to mention that I am secretly hoping to try MAC’s “Mineralize” Oh the shame of it all… that THIS is what I have become now… That whilst I lament at the additional costs that i KNOW that this will create i am inspired by the sheer awesomeness of said products! That even as i type this i am wondering when i will next be able to steal a moment and try Smashbox’s Photo Finish Light as i hear it is fantastic for photos!

The oh so WORRYING thing is that when I mentioned to Mr A how much MORE this up keep would cost I thought he would tell me that I was dreaming; that this would be a ‘one-off’ and that post wedding party my skin and bauty regime would return to my once coveted L’Oreal but no – the guy LOVES it… I cannot believe how strange he is!

For the ladies out there – what is your makeup splurge?

PS I “forgot” to mention that i am slowly (but surely) overhauling my makeup brushes – meaning i have purchased a newer better Kabuki brush and am now aquiring more brushes than you can throw a brush at! Hehe

While i was away…

My mum came into my office to see me on Friday 30/04/2010 (I left Friday afternoon but had taken the Thursday off to pack and make sure that all things like holiday insurance, etc were sorted!). I spoke to her on the Saturday to tell her that I was away – to NO avail! Upon trying to tell her she cut me off telling me that she did not want to hear anything that would make her have a car accident (as she was in the car). so I didn’t tell her…

The first week went by and I called her on the Wednesday as apparently she had come into my office on the Tuesday to give me my early birthday present. I told that although I was thankful that she had gotten me something, that all I had wanted (as I had previously told her) was for her to finally accept my decision and accept Mr A. She responded with her usual reference to satan (aka Mr A) and not accepting him. I got off the phone to her and told Mr A that I had still not told her –  he called me chicken poo and told me that I needed to call her back and just tell her…

I called a few days later – mother’s day evening (from outside Discovery Mall, Bali) and listened to her tell me about her problems, what she needed and what I must do for her when I come over, about her doctor’s appointment in July, about how no one had come to visit her on mother’s day, etc – I cut her off and told her that I could not talk to her for very long as the call would cost a small fortune from Bali and that I WAS calling to wish her a happy mother’s day.

I then had to hear her go on about how she thought I was going to Jakarta – I told that I had said to her that Mr A and I were intending to go to Indonesia, I never stated which part! She then went on (and on) about how Bali is predominantly not Muslim and why would I go to where there are no Muslims? I told her that there were Muslims everywhere; that a lot of Muslims come to Bali – that in fact she used to live there! She commented that thi was before she went for haj and that I should know better – that who knows what food I was eating. I said to her that I think she forgets that I speak nearly fluent Indonesian and that I know exactly what meat we are eating! I told her AGAIN that I had previously already told her to stop coming into my office as it undermines my professionalism and makes me looks bad. I got off the phone feeling terrible, frustrated and annoyed and wanting to take photos of the many Hijabi’s and Arabs I saw and send copies of them all to my mum.

I heard nothing from her on my second week.

I didn’t call her at all…

I returned (to Aussie-land) on Friday afternoon and did not tell her.

I spent all weekend doing my own thing and was blissfully happy at the fact that I did not have one single missed call from her (I normally have her call me often) – that when my phone did ring I wasn’t all anxious or distraught about the imminent guilt trip my mm would dish out to me.

I returned to work on Monday and discover that my mum (after talking to me and finding out that I was in Bali) had come into my office 2 more times; one of which was on Thursday to find out when I was coming back – the guy on reception did not know and told her that he was not sure when I was returning.

The irony is that on Sunday Mr A and I sat on the sofa watching a DVD with him telling me that maybe I should visit my mum – tell her that I’ve come back and that I’m ok. The shocking thing is that even after being away from her and not going to see her since January (aside from the times she has seen in my office) I don’t want to see her. I am not angry with her, not at all. I am just tired of it all… SO beyond tired of the repetitive crap that she keeps giving me; the same comments, the same tears and the same emotional intensity that makes me want to move across the country/change jobs/change my number, etc.

But even in saying/writing the above paragraph there is another part of me that wonders why I haven’t heard from her in about a week. A part of me that says a prayer for her hoping that she is ok and hoping that Allah opens her heart to accepting me as I am and the decisions that I have made. And then there is this part of me that wants to call her – not to have a conversation with her as I know that that is unlikely but rather just to hear her voice (sans lamentations) just to know that she’s ok.

But THEN I am overcome with curiosity and against my better judgement I read the birthday card she gave me. Why do I bother? Sentences not particularly worth mentioning include:

“So sad that someone forgot my birthday last time or not ring me – maybe not allowed to send me anything – I know Satan is very strong in your place”

Numerous references to about me and “latnatallah” (it’s a muslim thing that I cannot really explain)

“what you are doing is a big sin and Allah will teach you a lesson”

Comments about how she will be patient and wait for me to come home as God loves those that are patient

That she is my real mother and cannot believe that I am doing this and why won’t I just come home?

Mum had also included some story about how some friend of mine (when I was 14; she was 17 and had a car) took me out and we went to Fremantle and to the beach and that when we came back home late she was really angry/upset and told me that I was not allowed to talk to her anymore and how now look at her life? How she is still single (as far as mum knows) and that she cannot be happy as she lives away from parents etc.

Really – why do I bother? What else can I do to make this stop? I am really beginning to get tired of this; I am beyond frustrated of all of this… I don’t know what else to do – worst yet is that I am baffled by how she seems to still have this way of getting to me? of making me question what I am doing… and with each word that I read and morosely re-read I feel numb, more empty and more resolute at my not wanting to see her. I just want to keep walking; I want to move – I want her to move.

I tried… whilst I was away I told her that we were thinking of coming back to Indonesia in January; that she could go to Jakarta if she liked… she said that she wanted to go to Jakarta in January as long as I went with her… I told her that if she went then that we would visit her – she said she didn’t care about anyone else and that she just wanted to go with me.

Mr A Gets Promoted!

At First I didn’t actually see it this way – a promotion. It took Susi and I chatting about the situation and chuckling of at the madness of it all to realise that it is, indeed some kind of a promotion i guess!

Remember how aaaagggeeesss ago i mentioned how a male family member came to Perth to visit? Remember how I mentioned how mum has high hopes for said guy and then all hopes were dashed when both people’s personalities conflicted? Well; when he left Australia he had left some of his luggage here and had asked that we send it back to him. “We” became ‘MY’ job and my mum cut all sort of responsibility on grounds that since they had had an argument that clearly the responsibility would be mine. And so (yet again) i sucked it up and dealt with it.

I told him that I would more than happy to send his (22kg of) luggage once he had transferred me some money – I mean, didn’t get me wrong here; I have no problems sending 1, 2, 5, or even up to 10kg worth of luggage but aft3er a few quick quotes online I discovered that sending 22kg worth of luggage was hardly cheap… plus i have a house to pay for (does anyone realise that porcelain slab tiles are NOT cheap?)

So after nearly a YEAR later – yes, nearly a year the guy transfers me some money – far be it for me to tell him that since the start of financial year that the cost of sending said items would be increased. Whatever; I was just happy to have it off my hands (and not have to hear anymore about it from my mum… again and again… and again!).

Everything was organised through Discount Excess Luggage – yes it is some shameless advertising but the man was really great (for more details head to http://www.discountexcessbaggage.com.au/) and the prices were really competitive! The plan was that he would pick up said item from my mum’s place; weigh item, call me and I would give him my credit card details. What actually happened was that he went to pick up said item and mum would not take any of the paperwork from him?

The poor guy had no idea what to do – i spoke to my mum later and apparently the rationale in her mind was that as NONE of it was her responsibility that she would not take ANY of the paperwork. That this man HAD to give me the paperwork – she told the poor guy where i worked and said that he should drop it off to me!

When the guy (his name was Laurie by the way) said “you can give it to your daughter when you see her” apparently she said a few things – mum told me that she had told him that i do not always come home and that sometimes i sleep at my friends house!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I told her that she KNEW that I most definitely was not staying with a “friend” and that I am staying with my in-laws and my husband she went onto say “no – I tell him you sometimes stay with your friend; what for I make bad my daughter’s name? I not want to tell him that you won’t come home to see your mother”

I mean let’s just be serious here for a second – as IF the Caucasian man is seriously caring what I do with my life and where I am living! I mean – WHO would he gossip this ‘vital’ tid-bit of information to??? If anything, her behaviour has probably made him go “yep, I’d be living with my friend too sweetie!!!”

Anyway; although at first I was a little frustrated, annoyed and flabbergasted by her incessant denial Susi and I realised that in some twisted way she had finally acknowledged Mr A’s existence as being something more than (how she affectionately refers to him as) ‘Satan’.

And it only took us this long!

Another 3 years and he’ll be my boyfriend/fiancé!

What’s in a name? Baby Names 101

There is a point where enough is enough is ENOUGH already! Where nurses/doctors/midwives have an obligation to newborns and their future development and assimilation into society and NEED to tell parents that some things ARE NOT A NAME!

In the last few weeks I have been receiving details regarding actual childrens names that make me wonder if people are signing birth details for their children far too soon before the effects of epidural or drugs have worn off.

I mean; whatever one might want to say about Muslims, Wogs, Desi’s, brown people or ethnics at least we give our children REAL names – names that mean something; whether its religiously or culturally; they are names that stand the test of decades; passed down generation to generation.

The following names are ones that have been seen on a birth certificate in the last month!

Strawberry (apparently it’s a female name)

Butterfly (another female name – but wait her middle name is just as maddening – Indigo!!!)

Peetree-nella (yep – her first name has a hyphen in it!!!)

Virtue (hmm – I wonder if these parents are being hopeful that by calling their daughter ‘Virtue’ that she will have some?)

Kyeesha, Sharnell and Mayeelia – this ONLY works if you are from the ghetto or wish to remember your ghetto ‘ancestry’ it does NOT work when you are Caucasian and NOT from the Bronx/Ghetto! And don’t EVEN get me started on the fact that these 3 children are SIBLINGS!

Do these people not realise that whilst famous people can name their children after inanimate objects that this is primarily because they are famous and therefore have LOTS OF MONEY and therefore will not be entirely scarred for life! I mean think about it; Apple might be a pretty crap name for a child but at the end of the day that kid can say that her mum is Gwyneth Paltrow… push comes to shove she can at least hire a hit-man to pay off the bully at school!

I mean seriously – what is wrong with good old fashioned names like John, Matthew, Allan, Mohammed, Jason and Ali? Hmmm? What so absurd about Miguel, Michael or Abraham/Ibrahim – obviously nothing to a lot of people… BUT then there are others that I seriously wonder about…  Do these parents forget that their child will have this name FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE? Have they forgotten how mean/creul and unfeeling other children in the playground at school can be? These parents may think its a great ideal to call their child Danielle but then decide to spell it Daniieyle – what is UP with that?

So – any odd names that you’ve heard of lately?

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