Stop calling me… so much!

Why does my mum insist on calling me at a time she KNOWS that I will not be answering!

Case in point: the other night she called me at the following intervals;

12.45 am

2.28 am

3.45 am

6.00 am

Most normal people would be sleeping… I am sleeping! Even if she had called me around morning prayers time I am not going to answer because what I will do post prayer is go back to sleep!

I asked her the following day about her ‘logic’ about calling me at these times; her answer?

“I wanted you to know that I was awake…I not expect you to answer; just so you know the next morning” 

???????

Because clearly if you call someone you REALLY don’t want them to answer – yep; that is totally logical!

Last night I got a call from her at 2.30am!!!

I mean seriously!

I tried to give her a dose of her own medicine: when my mum has finished praying the sunset prayer she will normally read Quran for about an hour or so and make dua. Anyway during this time she will not take any calls and will grumble bitterly (afterwards) if I had taken a call whilst she is reading Quran. If I answer her phone because someone has called her she will then go on about the fact that clearly this person (on the other end of the phone) either isn’t Muslim or has no concept of the importance of sunset prayer.

So last night when I called her (after receiving 4 missed calls in the early morning + 6 other missed calls between 8.30 and 9.45am) about 15 minutes after sunset prayers… then again before I got into the shower (about 10 minutes later) and then when I finished my shower, once I was dressed; whilst putting away my clothes and while taking off my contact lenses! Then I left it 2 hours and called her back (while I was away for those 2 hours I had 9 missed calls from her!).

She was upset:

Mum: Why you call me (*whiney*) when you know I am reading al Quran? You just keep ringing and ringing and ringing – not care that I am busy!

Me: Because you always call me again and again until I answer – maybe I am busy at that time??? You call me at a terrible time in the early morning when you know I am asleep and then when I have my phone off you tell me what would happen if something had happened to you!

Mum: I call you because I miss you – because you are my daughter.

I can’t remember the rest of the conversation but I do know that it was a very short conversation because I refused to continue a fight with her and so I told her goodnight and that I would call her the next day. 

BTW: I have received 3 missed calls already from her… its only 2.27pm…

Joy!

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WTF moment

I went shopping last night for something for Mr A. I was paying for some cologne and waiting for the lady to gift wrap it for me (its his birthday coming up) and I see this rather nice looking guy come in… as I am waiting I notice that this guy is clearly an Arab…

So I watch him smelling fragrance after fragrance… I watch his other half (I am assuming as the wife – lets take a positive approach here people) who looks like a heavily made up Egyptian actress (seriously, I like black liquid eye liner as much as the next ethnic girl but this looked like she was trying to give Amy Winehouse a run for her money!). My theory on them being Arabic is proven correct as I hear him say something to her (in Arabic)

Anyway he is now paying for said cologne and I see on his arm a huge… TATTOO!!

That read: Mahmoud – his name (I knew it was his name as he’s wife/partner had called him that)

I mean really!!

What can I say?

I mean why do you need a tattoo of your name on your forearm?? In case someone thumps you over the head (I was more than bloody tempted) and you get amnesia at least you’ll know what your name is?

Disclaimer: Susi, before you even think about saying that I have a sticker on the back on my car that has my name on it so really I am not one I talk let me advise that this sticker has aided me on many an occasion in finding my car in a crowded car park – that’s my story and I am bloody sticking to it!

Then I start to wonder – what would his mother think? I mean, he has this ‘thing’ on his arm which essentially will be with him forever… of his name…

He should have tattooed “twit” instead.

Hmm – its all a little strange….

My mum is asking for copies of my passport photos – am I afraid? Not really – am I curious at what sort of mayhem she has planned? Perhaps!

 

My mum went out yesterday with all the “auntie’s” as Mondays are their weekly gossip session, competition over who can cook the best/most food Quran session. Now I have not really been to any of these sessions but I have heard my mum talk about them and although there appears to be some discussions about religion, Quran and translation and implementation of a verse it does appear that A LOT of the following occurs:

Eating…. Copious amounts of eating – my mum has never come home empty handed from these gatherings!

 

Talking about their married children – thus making my mum more resolute to annihilate my engagement with Mr A and get me some other more my-mother-appropriate type!

 

Talking about how bad those who don’t wear a hijab are – therefore making my mum come home and go on and on and on at me that I must wear one

 

Talk about the state of the west and how terribly ‘open’ everything is and how It is ruining their children and that she should go back to the home country – making my mum more resolute to get me over for hajj, wearing a hijab and thus moving me back to the ‘old’ country (where things are all apparently pure and clean – yeah right!)

 

Talking about one’s ailments – making each woman more obsessed about their spurs, spurts of arthritis, hay fever and benign cysts – therefore making my mum CERTAIN that her time is nigh and that I should be more mindful that she is going to die soon and that I am killing her.

 

Anyway – my mum went there yesterday and came home with food and now is going on about my passport photos and how lucky I am that I have dual citizenship because it’s easy for us to move back… huh? What? When we move back?

 

Hahahahahahahahahaha – yeah right… because THAT’S going to happen! Good luck her trying to organise that!

 

I have a feeling though that this is what she’s trying to do – as on some nights she’ll get a call at some obscure times and she’ll be rather intense about needing to “do what’s right” and that “she knows what she’s doing” and “no matter what we need to organise this soon”. It all seems like one big plot to arrange something devious as on the occasions I’ve gotten up and walked passed her room she’s either gone all silent and asked me why I’m up for or tell whoever it is she needs to get off the phone!

 

Very strange indeed!

 

Anyway – I told her that I have no idea where my passport photos are and asked what on earth she needed for… she went all elusive and angry and said that “she just needed them” and that she was disappointed that I showed little regard to something so important…

 

Hmmm… very strange!

What’s on your pizza?

A certain pizza place that shall remain nameless have put out a new ad that claims that “all our pizza’s now use premium fresh ingredients!”

Which makes me want to pose this question?

 

Were they using less than premium; not particularly fresh ingredients before?

 

Curiouser & curiouser!

What the UAE needs next!

Wafi Mall

Wafi Mall

 

My uncle has very ‘interesting’ theories. A recent conversation I had with him was replayed to Susi through an interesting discussion about the environment, global warming and the copious amounts of construction that my family keep telling me is happening in and around Abu Dhabi.

 

This uncle – we shall him Ami (meaning uncle in Arabic) Ali (look, I know I have used this name before but its not my fault ok – it’s a common name and that is his actual name!) is the same uncle who complained that developed countries were responsible for the state of the environment as countries like Australia, America and the UK had been building for decades! I said that there were a lot less people then and the environment was in a much better state… he’s attempt to silence me was to claim that I was clearly ‘bitter’ about things because Perth only had 2 tall buildings and that that was not his fault that the Western Australian construction industry was not creative at that time & must have been too busy being drunk on VB & Fosters.

 

Another theory he had was that the Emirates needed a shopping mall with Emperor Penguins… yes – you read right! He saw March of the Penguins (I think my aunt got it on DVD for him after I took my mum to see it and she was telling her how good it was) and proceeded to tell me that it was really only natural progression – Qatar has a shopping mall with a canal in it and one with an ice-skating rink. Dubai has one with actual snow in it where you can ski down. His logic is that clearly we (meaning the Emirates) have clearly demonstrated that ice and snow are an issue – they have the money, the opportunity and the idea – now all they need is a shopping mall with emperor penguins… I told him that this may be a few hurdles to overcome: A) aren’t the emperor penguins a protected species? There may be an issue with actually being able to get them (although I did say he could sell the idea as being a breeding program that the UAE were interested in). B) Had he thought about the actual breeding of them & the logistics of it all? C) What about the food side of things? His response with all these things were “is ok – we will sort it out… but its good idea yes?” He added “oooh – we have a pool; maybe we get one for a pet?” I told him jokingly that due to the height & size of the penguin and the height & size of my aunt (his wife) that he may accidentally misjudge the penguin for my (ready to go out) abaaya’d aunt… hehe – that silenced him… for all of 5 seconds until he said “but how much do you think it will cost?” I told him that I didn’t think they (said emperor penguins) were for sale – he reminded me that Harrods have a guarantee that they can source any item for all shopping requirements. I said to him that I would put money that Emperor Penguins were not for sale… his answer? “Nearly everything is for sale”

 

aunty - is that you?

aunty - is that you?

 

*sigh*

 

There are so many more other things that he has said that makes me shake my head and laugh!!

 

Hmm – maybe I should give him his own category?

Looking for a new job in 2009?

I got this great email from Deb (at work) that I just had to post… to anyone who is wanting to have kids?

Job Description for a Parent.


POSITION
:


Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mum, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work

in an often chaotic environment.


Candidates must possess excellent communication & organizational skills

Be willing to work variable hours;

which will include evenings & weekends


Frequent 24 hour shifts on call.


Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends

& endless sports tournaments in far away cities!


Travel expenses not reimbursed.


Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities:

The rest of your life.


Must be willing to be hated…

at least temporarily… until someone needs $5.


Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.


Must also possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
& be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, (this time) the screams from the backyard

are not someone just crying wolf.


Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges;
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
& stuck zippers.


Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars &
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.


Must have ability to plan & organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages & mental outlooks.


Must be willing to be indispensable one minute & an embarrassment the next


Must handle assembly & product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys & battery operated devices


Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst


Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product

 

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance &
janitorial work throughout the facility.

Possibility for Advancement & Promotion:

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining; 

Constantly retraining & updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

Previous Experience:

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Wages & Compensation:

Get this! You pay them!


Offering frequent raises and bonuses.


A balloon payment is due when they turn 18

because of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent


When you die, you give them whatever is left


The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right 

 

Can I just say that I am a little worried…  I already do quite a lot of these items with my mum… susi – we may end up feeling déjà vu in our role(s) as parents!   

“I only wear designer…” & other comments

Sorry for not writing for awhile peeps… Ish – thanks for (diplomatically) hitting me over the head so i’d post something. Not much has actually happened recently – although there was this situation rather recently that i am about to discuss:

Some people make me laugh… not in the ‘you’re so funny, I can’t believe your in comedy’ sort of way, but more in the “you’re antics are just too strange that I cannot believe you think your behaviour is ok”

 

There is this girl; she is Mr A’s best friend’s girlfriend (have I lost you yet?) – I shall call her Nancy. Nancy is strange – there is no other word for her (well, there are, but I will leave it up to you, dear readers to decide!)… she and her boyfriend have been together for about three and a half years and have recently; about 8 months ago) moved in together.

 

Lil miss Nancy is a ‘designer only’ gal… seriously; her notion is if you don’t wear designer then you are beneath her. For years she has chosen to be icy towards me; time and time again I would try to strike up conversation with her; get to know her while she was studying at uni, talk to her about her work when she finished and landed her job… nothing – it was like she had no personality… then she saw some of my photos taken on my last trip to see family in the emirates;

 

Nancy: where dis foto taken?

(*yes – this is how she talks – you pick out the accent…*)

Me: which one? (*peering over to have a look*) oh that’s in Abu Dhabi

Nancy: dis in ho-tell? Or in restaurant?

Me: no, no – that’s at my uncle’s house in the lounge room

Nancy: lounge room? You have another picture?

So I showed her pictures of other get togethers with my family… after this she was strangely a lot (comparatively speaking) warmer – semi-nice even! Mr A and I were slightly surprised… then she turned to her boyfriend later on the evening and said something that made me realise why her attitude had changed; “you know, Arabian Princess just like me – come from wealthy family…” ha – whatever! Seriously, I was insulted…

 

But it gets worse:

A few weeks back she bumped into a friend of mine and Susi who I had introduced her to (at a different dinner). They all stopped and said hello to each other, then Nancy noticed the necklace that our friend Sara was wearing;

“oh, I like your necklace… almost look like real Mimco!”

Who f&#$*ng says that??? What is wrong with this woman???

 

Last week when I went to have dinner at Mr A’s place we both happen to be wearing a Tiffany & Co. pendant; you know the love-heart one that says ‘If Lost Return to Tiffany & Co. New York’. Hers was on a long chain while mine was on a shorter chain. So as to make conversation I pointed out our similar pendant:

Me: oh, Nancy – look, we’re twins tonight! We’re both wearing the same necklace!!

Nancy: my sister bought for me for my birthday…. (*she looks at my neck to see my pendant*)… but mine bigger than yours

Me: (thinking what a bitch but smiling sweetly on the outside) yeah, yours is bigger… but yours is silver… mine is gold!

 

Yeah – shove that where the sun don’t shine!

 

And then over the weekend she comes over for a group dinner and proceeds to talk to no-one!!! All night! She sits in the lounge room (alone), reading a magazine (an old one!) while watching the fashion channel that only has different catwalks 24/7 (which I can’t watch for more than 25 to 30 minutes before getting either innately bored with the constant ‘up and down’ of it all or the fact that these girls really, really do need to eat… and maybe I should stop eating… like forever)! When Mr A did have dinner ready (and it was a very, very good spread – Susi will attest to that) all she ate was potato salad! She turned up her nose to the beef and everything else…

 

But there’s more! Just before dinner, after her 2 glasses of pink champagne she walked up to Mr A (in front of me);

Nancy: you have lemonade? I want to drink lemonade?

Mr A: no… sorry Nancy… I’ve got some juice in the fridge or some tonic water – you could put some lemon in that… there’s some coke there as well but that might be a little bit flat…

Nancy: but I want lemonade…

Mr A: I’m sorry… I’ve got water as well – but I don’t have lemonade…

Nancy: so there no lemonade?

Mr A: no…

Nancy: (obvious, loud, long sigh) so I have to have water?

Mr A: look, ave alook in the fridge and have whatever is there – have the tonic water; Arabian Princess will cut you up some lemon…

Nancy: no… I just wanted lemonade…

 

In case you didn’t hear we didn’t have lemonade… she wanted lemonade…

 

Other things she has said that I think are funny in that “you’re an idiot” kind of way:

 

(at a dinner quite some time ago!)

Me: oooh, Nancy… what a cute bag!

Nancy: thank you – it’s by Leona Edminston

 

A different dinner;

Nancy: you’re top is nice – where you buy if from?

Me: hehe – I actually got it from Valley Girl for only $29.95!

Nancy: oh… I never go there… clothes from there are bad quality…

 

At her birthday I told Mr A to compliment her hairstyle (which he didn’t want to because he said he didn’t like it – I told him that he should do it anyway because her answer… which I had heard only moments ago, would be worth it).

Mr A: Nancy, I like what you’ve done with your hair!

Nancy: yes, is by Sarah at House of Earnest!

(*House of Earnest is a pricey hairdresser & day spa in Perth!)

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