You have 17 voicemail messages…

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Picture it if you will… it is the 26th of December; you are on your way to meet your bestie for your annual Boxing Day sales and you decide to check your voicemail (VM) messages as you’ve realised you hadn’t checked since the 19th (of December).

You check your VM:

1>     Your mum asking you to call her back

2>     Your mum

3>     Your mum again…

Of my 17 voicemail all but ONE of them was from my mother.

Each VM from her went for more than 90seconds and went through a myriad of emotions.

When I get a missed call from my mum I DO call her back usually within the hour… in 99.99999% of the time there has not been emergency which would require her to leave the message: “call me back – its very important”

When I DID call her back from one such message (“call me back AS SOON AS POSSIBLE – its very important”) I discovered it was relating to a letter she got about free Foxtel (“what is this foxtel? Why they send me this?” was also asked) and the cut-off date was that day and should she get it for the house? So as you can imagine the term “important” is loosely termed.

*in fact since writing this I decided to check my VM again.

So Since 27 December to date (today being the 30th) I have 6 messages.

5 from my mum ALL stating the same thing ( a letter I told her I would write for her, and give to her on TUESDAY the 31st of December… I told her in more than one language, on more than 5 calls during the weekend that I would write this letter for her on Monday and give it to her on Tuesday.) I TOLD her that I would DO IT and give it to her BY TUESDAY – at the END of each call I asked her if she understood and she said she did.

Since then AND through that week each call related to this letter.

EACH call! And for me to call her “as soon as possible” because “is very important”

I’m Back!

We got back on Friday afternoon – it was such a blissful 2 weeks; warm, sunny lazy days spent by the pool. Walking from Seminyak down to Kuta almost everyday and then back to our hotel. We did HEAPS of walking; I cannot begin to tell you how amazed we both were at the amounts of walking we did…

The hotel was FANTASTIC – we stayed at The Breezes, the staff were lovely and friendly and really helpful.

Mr A and I arranged a few activities (meaning Mr A told me what he wanted to do and I arranged the activities!) that involved white water rafting (this was purely a Mr A idea – but by the end of it, although we were all wet and tired I loved it!), buggying (through muddy tracks and through 3 local villages) which I think Mr A was entertained at his “how muddy and dirty can I get my mrs?” challenge! Needless to say we finished this VERY dirty indeed – and by “we” I mean primarily me!

The BEST excursion was when we both went to see (and swim with!!!!!!) the dolphins… in the next couple of days i’ll write more about the antics we got up to and pop on some photos of us and our trip as soon as i download them to my computer (I have scheduled it in for this Saturday!)

Stay tuned folks… and before i forget: THANKS for ALL the wellwishes (for said trip) and your visits here in my absence!

Happy New Year People!!

Happy 2010!

I wish you – whoever you may be dear reader an ultimate year! I hope that this year brings calm and peace to us all. That this is the year where we smile into the faces of loved ones and find what it is we’re looking for.

I wish us all patience – patience that if the year starts badly hat things will get better… because they do – maybe not right away; maybe not tomorrow or next week or next month but everything does get better… eventually.

I wish for understanding – that our patience will us to understand each other better. To know that not all of us are the stereotypes that we have been depicted as – to my fellow Muslims, strike up a conversation with non-Muslim scholar; find some similarities… you might be amazed at what you discover! To those who see a women wearing a headscarf/hijab in the street – smile at them – extend the (metaphorical) arm of friendship… and if she doesn’t smile back to you its not because she’s oppressed – it might be because she’s not used to it…

Inshallah this will be a good year for us all – in every way…

Amiin

feeling troubled….

In the last 2-ish weeks or maybe that’s 3 actually I have to admit that I have been infected by the bug that is Zumba. I am loving it – maybe not LOVING it when I am in the middle of it (when I am huffing and puffing and sore and hot the last word that comes to mind is love. In fact, truth be told I am anxiously awaiting for the hour to be over!) but when its all over and I am on the way home and i’ve gotten my breath back I feel engerised and happy and satisfied with myself that I am getting into shape.

My lust for Zuma is so high right now that I am going between 2 to 3 times per week… madness isn’t it? But last night I must admit something – I ditched zumba.

Why? Because I was feeling down. Because my mum gets back this Sunday. Because I am at a point where I have no idea where to go from here (in relation to her). That I am beyond the point of trying – that I just want it (or me) to just be able to go away. That because as fast as I know she will walk through the arrival’s lounge I want to get her straight back into the departures lounge.

And I am thinking about it constantly now. And I am hating myself for all of this. Hating my thoughts, disliking that the only relationship I have with my mum is dysfunctional (at best).

Hating that I love her with all my heart but that I don’t like her.

Just wanting to pick her up – not say a word. Take her home and her into the house and then walk out. And go to where I feel at home which is not there.

Mr A meets a cousin!

Last night I spoke to Zaen – he’s one of my first cousins. We generally chat rather often but I say that in the last few months or so we haven’t chatted at all. Maybe its because we’re both busy with work or maybe its because he’s got 5 kids all under the age of 12 (where 3 are under the age of 6 – yikes), or maybe it’s all the mayhem with mum, etc – whatever; essentially we’d sorta lost touch.

Anyway the other day I thought about him and I was thinking that he’d such a snob for not calling me and really was a little overdue – so I gave him a call, left a message and called him an arrogant so and so for not calling his little cous(in).

It was a really good chat – I know mum had told me that he’d been in regular contact with her whilst she was over there (he lives in Doha; Qatar) but Zaen told me that it’s been roughly ever couple 4ish days. So imagine his surprise when he asks what I’ve been up to and I’m like “oh, well; I am in the midst of planning a wedding reception – you should come over to Australia in about October as that’s when we’re hoping to have it!”
The poor guy was shocked – he was like “how come I haven’t heard ANY of this – what is going on? Did you do all this while your mum was away?”

And so it began; I sat down and told him that naturally mum knows, that I moved out to Susi’s and then… well obviously everything. How Mr A’s parents are lovely. About him fasting with me this year – about why I suggested mum go on holiday if she didn’t want to mosque ALL together for eid. He silently listened and then said that he couldn’t believe my mum has said nothing to him about ANY of this. I told him that I seriously wasn’t surprised as I actually wasn’t allowed to mention it to anyone and not even suppose to talk to her about it as apparently I am then ‘killing her’.
He didn’t know what to say – Mr A then walked up to me and was like; “oohhh – who are you on the phone to?” when I said that it was Zaen he asked if Zaen wanted to talk to him – and so they spoke!!!

Granted it wasn’t a long conversation – just the basic salam and good to finally meet you. I am sorry that she (my mum) isn’t happy about us; but inshallah soon she will understand. Standard; please come to visit us in autralia; Mr A saying that we are building so inshallah he will be here either for our (civil) wedding and reception but if not then to come visit when we have our house; the good salam and then I got the phone returned to me!

Haha – the call ended with Zaen telling me that he is going to call me again soon – as clearly he misses TOO many events when he leaves it too long!

*sigh* One small step for man…

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Thankful

I am sometimes reminded how lucky I am to have Mr A in my life.

I am sometimes reminded how much I may want to slap him across the head for his idiocy sometimes or throw something at him… and then he’ll do something sweet and I will be left baffled, awed and amazed by him!

So what happened you ask?

Last night I’m having dinner with Mr A and his family – we finish dinner with Mr A saying that he’ll clean up (because his mum cooked). I am standing there helping him clear away the dishes when he tells me to sit down and relax and watch some TV.

I normally give my mum a call at about 6ish; letting her know that I’ve finished work, having a chat with her about her day, etc. On a Monday and Thursday my mum is fasting so I will generally call her at 8pm (so she can eat in peace and enjoy her food). So last night I called her at 6pm and her phone went straight to voicemail; which is seriously odd for my mum as she never turns off her phone. I try again every few minutes then again after dinner and then again just before 8pm. Each time I am becoming slightly more anxious (but totally trying to hide it) and each time all I get is her voicemail which tells me that the phone isn’t even on.

I go to see Mr A in the kitchen who is clanging pots and pans as apparently he’s had a little ‘disagreement’ with his mum (I swear those 2 are so similar they are always butting heads!) and is mumbling stuff under his breath – he looks over to me and even though I am pretending everything is totally fine and I am so not worried he takes one look at the smile on my face, looks me in the eyes and says; “what’s wrong?”

Me: nothing.

Mr A: crap! Just tell me what’s wrong…

Me: nothing – I just tried to call mum for the last 2 hours and I can’t get through – its like her phone isn’t even on. It just goes to voicemail.

Mr A:  maybe she switched it off?

Me: she doesn’t know how to; it’s a new phone and she normally never has her phone off.

Mr A: …. Ok (* putting down tea towel as he was drying dishes*); pop your shoes on – lets go.

Me: what? Where?

Mr A: We’ll go for a drive and see if she’s ok; come on.

At this point I am telling him not to worry, that I’m sure she’s fine (although inside I am hoping that she’s fine – it doesn’t help that a week ago my mum was telling me that if she were to pass out or fall in the house no one would know that she would be bleeding to death with no one to help her… I know – melodramatic much?). Mr A is telling me that he is 99.95% sure my mum is totally ok and that there is some logical reason but that he’d rather I would definitely know that be wondering the rest of the evening. So we get into the car and drive over to mums – it’s a 25 minute drive (its not far but it’s not exactly down the road!).

I get to the house and the lights are off; I walk in and she’s not there – I look around the whole house and her handbag’s gone, her mobiles not there and there is a cooked meal on the stove that is cooling (its still warm to touch), her car is there (she doesn’t like to drive at night) and all seems in order – so I leave a note asking mum to call as soon as she gets it. Mr A tells me to see if the house keys are there; they’re not. At this point I’m pretty happy that mum is ok and probably sleeping at a friends house – we drive back; Mr A telling me that I should go to her friends house because at least I would definitely know one way or the other…

So we’re now on the way to her friend’s house (Mr A is telling me that I should get their mobile number in case this sort of thing happens again) – we are less than 2 minutes away when my mum calls!

Me: where are you? I’ve been trying to call you!

Mum: I’m at Dina’s house; I came here after afternoon prayer and didn’t realize that it was already dark and she asked me to stay over…

Me: but I normally call you at 6; didn’t you wonder where I was?

Mum: yes – but then something happen to my phone; maybe battery finished… and I didn’t know what to do.

Me: well you’re phone is working now?

Mum: because Dina’s mum has a Nokia also…

Me: ok… well, me and Mr A drove all the way to the house to see if you were ok.. .he told me that I should check up on you and make sure… I left a note on the kitchen table.

Mum: you came to the house – did Mr A come inside the house?

Me: oh my god – surely that doesn’t matter? Who cares; he knew that I would be worried about you and wanted to come just in case.

Mum: so he didn’t come into house right?

Me: look, you’re ok Alhumdullilah; have a good night and I will see you tomorrow for dinner after work; goodnight, I love you

Mum: I always love you

*I hang up*

Mr A: you looked like you were about to cry talking to her – is she ok?

Me: yeah – I’m ok… she’s ok…

Mr A: what did she sau when you said that I drove you over to check up on her?

Me: nothing – I think she was just surprised that we came over…

I mean what am I meant to say? That she was more curious as to whether I let a man into the house? I know even know why she would care if he was or wasn’t in the house… I mean really… where do I go with this?

*sigh*

I really need to get her overseas so it is one less thing for me to worry about!

Gym… the agony continues

Last night I went to a pump class with Mr A’s mum – she thinks that is definitely not cut out for step classes while in all honesty I could take it or leave it (I am working on the premise that after a few classes that I would got the rhythm of it all and my body won’t ache as much)! Mr A’s mum goes to pump class quite regularly and she said that she really enjoyed that – I thought that I’d give it a go.

Mr A goes to both the gym then a squash game with the boys on Monday’s but wasn’t going to the gym ;last night (I have no idea why) and thought that it would be a lovely idea if we both went on a leisurely bike ride before I went off to pump class with his mum and he went off to squash.

So I went… lord knows why…. All I can say is: Leisurely my foot!

There was nothing leisurely abut the bike ride… except maybe the first 5 minutes when we slowly rode away from his house… then once we turned the corner it was all ‘game on’ from his end and me trying to keep up! Ggggrrrrr – I fear that this was his plan all along because I had not been on the Wii Fit for the last 2 days. The frustrating thing is that I quite like bike riding and I think I’ve got the stamina to maintain a certain level of speed and endurance for a long ride… but he was riding off so fast it was like my mum was chasing us with a scimitar or something!

Anyway; needless to say I wasn’t particularly raring to go to pump class. Although I suppose that I was warmed up! So after a whole other hour of abuse on my body I am amazed that I managed to get myself into bed at all last night – amazed that I was able to drive home and even more amazed at the amount of pain in my upper arms! Then I get told by someone at work that the amount of muscle pain I feel today is nothing compared to what I will be feeling tomorrow – gee thanks!

My solace is that the instructor was impressed at amounts of weights I was lifting, my posture and my flexibility… always one to please – my body is currently paying the price of the overzealous approach I took to said weights!

Meddling ‘Aunties’

Remember how I said that the Saturday day I spent with my mum was actually surprisingly good?

Remember when I said that I drove to her place on the Sunday just to take her to the masjid (mosque) so she could pray Maghrib (sunset prayer)?

Remember when I said that it was an ok visit but then got sort of “pear shaped” when I got her back from the masjid and she was all upset because she wants me to come back and live with her but doesn’t want to discuss my engagement or why I left in the first place?

Well since leaving I have been keeping in regular contact with mum; I have called her each and every day after sunset prayer and I see her on the Saturday day; spending the whole day with her (sacrificing my usual Saturday morning sleep in – oh how I miss them!) and leaving there at about 6pm-ish. For the last 2 weeks I have additionally gone over on the Sunday afternoon just to take her to pray at the masjid as although she can walk there (its close from the house) she doesn’t walk back because it gets too dark (before I hear you ask if she can drive; yes she can! But she doesn’t like to drive when it’s dark) – hence I have taken her! In addition to this I am also going over for dinner and a chit chat once a week (generally a Wednesday).

So really – I am going over (there) to see her HEAPS! In all seriousness I don’t think she has realised that although I don’t sleep there anymore she speaks more to me now that she did when we were under the same roof! While I was there I tried to stay out of her way as MUCH as possible – I came home from work, cooked dinner, had a shower, ate, watched half an hour to an hour of TV with her (whilst generally not saying anything) and then escaped to my bedroom. Now when I talk to her I actually ask her about what’s happening, I actually want to hear about her day… I want us to talk.

Last night I called her after dinner and all was going well – we had a nice conversation, she was telling me about the auntie that came over and about what she cooked. About what she did at home that day and confirmed that I was coming over some time this week; I told her I was coming on Wednesday night. she asked about work and what I had eaten for dinner and to make sure that I didn’t go to bed too late at night.

All in all a rather good call right? All in all I’m thinking that maybe, just maybe we will be ok and that she will see that this is for the best…

Then I get a missed call and message left from said Auntie who visited her asking me how I am and hoping that insha-Allah all is well with me. That she would like me to call her back soon and maybe even see her when I can because apparentl her daughter (who I know and went to school with) wants to talk to me and see me….

Ha!

And Camel’s fly!

If she wanted to talk/see me why didn’t she call me? She has my number… a few months ago I got a message from her telling me that she had just had her second baby so I know full well she has my number…

So there are one of 2 rationales for said call:

1)      My mum has put said Auntie up to this or

2)      Said Auntie is doing what ‘aunties’ do best – meddle!

Now I am at loss if I should call her back or just ignore the call…

*sigh*

Or message my friend and say: “hey – heard you were trying to get in touch with me – hope all is well on your side insha-Allah”

*double sigh*

What’s an emergency anyway?

My mum called me today at work – she does this every once in awhile; calling on my mobile. While I lived with her I would wait until I got home and then talk to her about the fact that when I am at work I am at work and that she should only call me if it is an emergency. Since I have departed that residence I am trying to show her that though I am not physically there that our relationship will be all the better for it. So when she called me today while I was at lunch I decided to call her back – I mean, it could be something important right?

Me: Sorry I missed your call – what’s up? Is everything ok?

Mum: It was raining really heavily before….

Me: Yeah – it’s raining here too (thinking: well, we are in the same bloody state!)… Is everything ok? (trying to get to a point where I can see if this call is emergency related)

Mum: I was scared because of the big rain – I took aunty XXX home before and now I am at YY’s house… I am fasting today.

Me: So nothing major is happening right? There’s no emergency?

Mum: well, I am scared because of how heavy the rain is and I am fasting today… so come back home tonight so I’m not scared.

Me: mum, I’ve told you that unless it’s an emergency that you can’t just call me over things like this when I am at work… I’ll call you later.

And the frustration continues!

I don’t know why I bother sometimes – I mean really, I should just ignore her calls and then call her later once I have finished work because I will say that NONE of her calls made during work hours have been emergency related! But I live in fear that one of the days I totally ignore her calls there will be an emergency and I really will be the terrible daughter!

So far the rationale behind her calls made to me at work in the last few months (that I can remember) have been because of the following:

“I am bored… what are you doing?” 

“Aunty XX invited me and you to dinner – so after you come home we go to her house…” 

“You think its ok for me to cut my hair next week instead of tomorrow?” (Can I just mention at this point how maddening this question is because she wears a scarf/hijab… no one would even see if she had or had not cut her hair! This line of questioning is redundant!) 

“What time will you finish work today?” (Again this is a lame reason to call – I work Monday to Friday with the exact same working hours every day…)

“… Don’t forget to pay the bill…” (I wish!) 

“you know what happened today? I went for a walk and then -” (I generally will cut her off and ask ‘is this important?’ or ‘can this wait until I get see you tonight?’ in which case she gets all “huffy” and I get off the phone with her!) 

“I went to the shops just before and I bought the wrong thing… do you think I should return it?” 

“I am at the shopping centre and I locked keys in the car – what should I do?” (hmm – call the RAC – that’s why you’ve paid for road-side assistance). When I told her to call them you know what she said? “Can you call them for me because my mobile phone bill is too high and I just called you…” (cue: internal desire to scream) 

There are a few more instances but I cannot remember them at this point… once upon a time I was stupid, naïve, gullible innocent enough to give her my extension number at my previous employment (never again my friends! Consider it lesson learned!) to which I told her to use when there was an emergency and she needed to get in touch with me. Imagine my frustration when to her the emergency was whether or not she should get a fringe or not!!!!

A fringe!!!!

I turned on my most ‘calm before the storm’ tone and asked the following questions with utter seriousness:

Is the house on fire? (She said “no”)

Has the house flooded? (She said “no?”)

Has there been an electric fault? (She said “no”)

Did you leave the stove on or are broken down on the side of the freeway? (She said “no”)

Have we been robbed? (She said “no”)

Have you been arrested? (She said “no!”)

“Then Mum (*speaking firmly*); I love you but this is not an emergency… I will talk to you later!”

*hang up*

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