You have 17 voicemail messages…

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Picture it if you will… it is the 26th of December; you are on your way to meet your bestie for your annual Boxing Day sales and you decide to check your voicemail (VM) messages as you’ve realised you hadn’t checked since the 19th (of December).

You check your VM:

1>     Your mum asking you to call her back

2>     Your mum

3>     Your mum again…

Of my 17 voicemail all but ONE of them was from my mother.

Each VM from her went for more than 90seconds and went through a myriad of emotions.

When I get a missed call from my mum I DO call her back usually within the hour… in 99.99999% of the time there has not been emergency which would require her to leave the message: “call me back – its very important”

When I DID call her back from one such message (“call me back AS SOON AS POSSIBLE – its very important”) I discovered it was relating to a letter she got about free Foxtel (“what is this foxtel? Why they send me this?” was also asked) and the cut-off date was that day and should she get it for the house? So as you can imagine the term “important” is loosely termed.

*in fact since writing this I decided to check my VM again.

So Since 27 December to date (today being the 30th) I have 6 messages.

5 from my mum ALL stating the same thing ( a letter I told her I would write for her, and give to her on TUESDAY the 31st of December… I told her in more than one language, on more than 5 calls during the weekend that I would write this letter for her on Monday and give it to her on Tuesday.) I TOLD her that I would DO IT and give it to her BY TUESDAY – at the END of each call I asked her if she understood and she said she did.

Since then AND through that week each call related to this letter.

EACH call! And for me to call her “as soon as possible” because “is very important”

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I’m Back!

We got back on Friday afternoon – it was such a blissful 2 weeks; warm, sunny lazy days spent by the pool. Walking from Seminyak down to Kuta almost everyday and then back to our hotel. We did HEAPS of walking; I cannot begin to tell you how amazed we both were at the amounts of walking we did…

The hotel was FANTASTIC – we stayed at The Breezes, the staff were lovely and friendly and really helpful.

Mr A and I arranged a few activities (meaning Mr A told me what he wanted to do and I arranged the activities!) that involved white water rafting (this was purely a Mr A idea – but by the end of it, although we were all wet and tired I loved it!), buggying (through muddy tracks and through 3 local villages) which I think Mr A was entertained at his “how muddy and dirty can I get my mrs?” challenge! Needless to say we finished this VERY dirty indeed – and by “we” I mean primarily me!

The BEST excursion was when we both went to see (and swim with!!!!!!) the dolphins… in the next couple of days i’ll write more about the antics we got up to and pop on some photos of us and our trip as soon as i download them to my computer (I have scheduled it in for this Saturday!)

Stay tuned folks… and before i forget: THANKS for ALL the wellwishes (for said trip) and your visits here in my absence!

Happy New Year People!!

Happy 2010!

I wish you – whoever you may be dear reader an ultimate year! I hope that this year brings calm and peace to us all. That this is the year where we smile into the faces of loved ones and find what it is we’re looking for.

I wish us all patience – patience that if the year starts badly hat things will get better… because they do – maybe not right away; maybe not tomorrow or next week or next month but everything does get better… eventually.

I wish for understanding – that our patience will us to understand each other better. To know that not all of us are the stereotypes that we have been depicted as – to my fellow Muslims, strike up a conversation with non-Muslim scholar; find some similarities… you might be amazed at what you discover! To those who see a women wearing a headscarf/hijab in the street – smile at them – extend the (metaphorical) arm of friendship… and if she doesn’t smile back to you its not because she’s oppressed – it might be because she’s not used to it…

Inshallah this will be a good year for us all – in every way…

Amiin

feeling troubled….

In the last 2-ish weeks or maybe that’s 3 actually I have to admit that I have been infected by the bug that is Zumba. I am loving it – maybe not LOVING it when I am in the middle of it (when I am huffing and puffing and sore and hot the last word that comes to mind is love. In fact, truth be told I am anxiously awaiting for the hour to be over!) but when its all over and I am on the way home and i’ve gotten my breath back I feel engerised and happy and satisfied with myself that I am getting into shape.

My lust for Zuma is so high right now that I am going between 2 to 3 times per week… madness isn’t it? But last night I must admit something – I ditched zumba.

Why? Because I was feeling down. Because my mum gets back this Sunday. Because I am at a point where I have no idea where to go from here (in relation to her). That I am beyond the point of trying – that I just want it (or me) to just be able to go away. That because as fast as I know she will walk through the arrival’s lounge I want to get her straight back into the departures lounge.

And I am thinking about it constantly now. And I am hating myself for all of this. Hating my thoughts, disliking that the only relationship I have with my mum is dysfunctional (at best).

Hating that I love her with all my heart but that I don’t like her.

Just wanting to pick her up – not say a word. Take her home and her into the house and then walk out. And go to where I feel at home which is not there.

Mr A meets a cousin!

Last night I spoke to Zaen – he’s one of my first cousins. We generally chat rather often but I say that in the last few months or so we haven’t chatted at all. Maybe its because we’re both busy with work or maybe its because he’s got 5 kids all under the age of 12 (where 3 are under the age of 6 – yikes), or maybe it’s all the mayhem with mum, etc – whatever; essentially we’d sorta lost touch.

Anyway the other day I thought about him and I was thinking that he’d such a snob for not calling me and really was a little overdue – so I gave him a call, left a message and called him an arrogant so and so for not calling his little cous(in).

It was a really good chat – I know mum had told me that he’d been in regular contact with her whilst she was over there (he lives in Doha; Qatar) but Zaen told me that it’s been roughly ever couple 4ish days. So imagine his surprise when he asks what I’ve been up to and I’m like “oh, well; I am in the midst of planning a wedding reception – you should come over to Australia in about October as that’s when we’re hoping to have it!”
The poor guy was shocked – he was like “how come I haven’t heard ANY of this – what is going on? Did you do all this while your mum was away?”

And so it began; I sat down and told him that naturally mum knows, that I moved out to Susi’s and then… well obviously everything. How Mr A’s parents are lovely. About him fasting with me this year – about why I suggested mum go on holiday if she didn’t want to mosque ALL together for eid. He silently listened and then said that he couldn’t believe my mum has said nothing to him about ANY of this. I told him that I seriously wasn’t surprised as I actually wasn’t allowed to mention it to anyone and not even suppose to talk to her about it as apparently I am then ‘killing her’.
He didn’t know what to say – Mr A then walked up to me and was like; “oohhh – who are you on the phone to?” when I said that it was Zaen he asked if Zaen wanted to talk to him – and so they spoke!!!

Granted it wasn’t a long conversation – just the basic salam and good to finally meet you. I am sorry that she (my mum) isn’t happy about us; but inshallah soon she will understand. Standard; please come to visit us in autralia; Mr A saying that we are building so inshallah he will be here either for our (civil) wedding and reception but if not then to come visit when we have our house; the good salam and then I got the phone returned to me!

Haha – the call ended with Zaen telling me that he is going to call me again soon – as clearly he misses TOO many events when he leaves it too long!

*sigh* One small step for man…

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Thankful

I am sometimes reminded how lucky I am to have Mr A in my life.

I am sometimes reminded how much I may want to slap him across the head for his idiocy sometimes or throw something at him… and then he’ll do something sweet and I will be left baffled, awed and amazed by him!

So what happened you ask?

Last night I’m having dinner with Mr A and his family – we finish dinner with Mr A saying that he’ll clean up (because his mum cooked). I am standing there helping him clear away the dishes when he tells me to sit down and relax and watch some TV.

I normally give my mum a call at about 6ish; letting her know that I’ve finished work, having a chat with her about her day, etc. On a Monday and Thursday my mum is fasting so I will generally call her at 8pm (so she can eat in peace and enjoy her food). So last night I called her at 6pm and her phone went straight to voicemail; which is seriously odd for my mum as she never turns off her phone. I try again every few minutes then again after dinner and then again just before 8pm. Each time I am becoming slightly more anxious (but totally trying to hide it) and each time all I get is her voicemail which tells me that the phone isn’t even on.

I go to see Mr A in the kitchen who is clanging pots and pans as apparently he’s had a little ‘disagreement’ with his mum (I swear those 2 are so similar they are always butting heads!) and is mumbling stuff under his breath – he looks over to me and even though I am pretending everything is totally fine and I am so not worried he takes one look at the smile on my face, looks me in the eyes and says; “what’s wrong?”

Me: nothing.

Mr A: crap! Just tell me what’s wrong…

Me: nothing – I just tried to call mum for the last 2 hours and I can’t get through – its like her phone isn’t even on. It just goes to voicemail.

Mr A:  maybe she switched it off?

Me: she doesn’t know how to; it’s a new phone and she normally never has her phone off.

Mr A: …. Ok (* putting down tea towel as he was drying dishes*); pop your shoes on – lets go.

Me: what? Where?

Mr A: We’ll go for a drive and see if she’s ok; come on.

At this point I am telling him not to worry, that I’m sure she’s fine (although inside I am hoping that she’s fine – it doesn’t help that a week ago my mum was telling me that if she were to pass out or fall in the house no one would know that she would be bleeding to death with no one to help her… I know – melodramatic much?). Mr A is telling me that he is 99.95% sure my mum is totally ok and that there is some logical reason but that he’d rather I would definitely know that be wondering the rest of the evening. So we get into the car and drive over to mums – it’s a 25 minute drive (its not far but it’s not exactly down the road!).

I get to the house and the lights are off; I walk in and she’s not there – I look around the whole house and her handbag’s gone, her mobiles not there and there is a cooked meal on the stove that is cooling (its still warm to touch), her car is there (she doesn’t like to drive at night) and all seems in order – so I leave a note asking mum to call as soon as she gets it. Mr A tells me to see if the house keys are there; they’re not. At this point I’m pretty happy that mum is ok and probably sleeping at a friends house – we drive back; Mr A telling me that I should go to her friends house because at least I would definitely know one way or the other…

So we’re now on the way to her friend’s house (Mr A is telling me that I should get their mobile number in case this sort of thing happens again) – we are less than 2 minutes away when my mum calls!

Me: where are you? I’ve been trying to call you!

Mum: I’m at Dina’s house; I came here after afternoon prayer and didn’t realize that it was already dark and she asked me to stay over…

Me: but I normally call you at 6; didn’t you wonder where I was?

Mum: yes – but then something happen to my phone; maybe battery finished… and I didn’t know what to do.

Me: well you’re phone is working now?

Mum: because Dina’s mum has a Nokia also…

Me: ok… well, me and Mr A drove all the way to the house to see if you were ok.. .he told me that I should check up on you and make sure… I left a note on the kitchen table.

Mum: you came to the house – did Mr A come inside the house?

Me: oh my god – surely that doesn’t matter? Who cares; he knew that I would be worried about you and wanted to come just in case.

Mum: so he didn’t come into house right?

Me: look, you’re ok Alhumdullilah; have a good night and I will see you tomorrow for dinner after work; goodnight, I love you

Mum: I always love you

*I hang up*

Mr A: you looked like you were about to cry talking to her – is she ok?

Me: yeah – I’m ok… she’s ok…

Mr A: what did she sau when you said that I drove you over to check up on her?

Me: nothing – I think she was just surprised that we came over…

I mean what am I meant to say? That she was more curious as to whether I let a man into the house? I know even know why she would care if he was or wasn’t in the house… I mean really… where do I go with this?

*sigh*

I really need to get her overseas so it is one less thing for me to worry about!

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