Your parents = My Inlaws = My Parents

Western ideology claims that you marry a person and not their family. Ethnic/Islamic ideology states that you marry the family and the person – the reality is you DO marry the person and their family AS WELL as their extended family and the entire community they come from!

Growing up, my own father was pretty vacant in my life (they divorced when i was about 8 years old and didn’t want any access – that’s the really condensed version!) – my mum’s oldest brother was the closest thing I came to a father… and I really only saw him about twice a year (he has since passed away). So every now and again I am astounded at just how much Mr A’s dad is REALLY dad-like. In fact, in saying that I am super-lucky in how parent-like both his parents are with me. Seriously – I thank Allah that I have wonderful in-laws….

Example #1:
As per previous post; Perth went through a rather serious storm of late that meant that thousands of homes were without electricity for some time. Our house was one of them – for 2 days and 2 nights we sat by candle-light (have you tried to shave your legs by flickering candle? Well – let me tell you that it’s tricky but definitely do-able!). Our fridge and freezer had to be cleaned out; the large esky/cooler-box was brought out and filled with ice and the few items which could be salvaged.

Almost every night – winter or summer I will have a glass of cold milk before bed. Generally about half an hour before going to bed I will sit by the TV with my glass of milk. I love it – I have done this ever since I was a child regardless of where I am. If I can’t have it I crave it, I think about it and am despondent about the fact that I can’t have it. Mr A and his family make fun of my need of milk – Mr A will jokingly say that I ‘need to grow up’ whilst his mum and dad will say “oh – you’re off to bed then soon are you?” no matter what is said, I am not deterred – I will have my glass of milk; it’s a relationship that has stood the test of time!

So, when there was no electricity and I knew that almost all our stuff in the fridge/freezer was not going to keep, I knew that having my glass of milk before bed was a long shot – so imagine my joy when Mr A’s dad tells us all that (quote) “I saved the milk in the esky so it would be cold for Farah to have before she went to bed”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🙂

Truly Mr A has a lovely family – seriously; we may not have had any
electricity to light up the house BUT I can promise you my heart was lit up by the fact that this man thought of me!

Example #2:
I like chicken – nothing odd there (stay with me – i promise i have a point!); I don’t know many people that don’t like chicken… BUT I cannot be bothered with dealing with taking (cooked) chicken off the bone. Seriously – I think this may be the only bit of proof that shows I AM an only child! Growing up my mum used to take the chicken off the bone for me when dishing up my food and then serve it to me. Even when she cooks using bits of whole chicken she makes sure there are bits of chicken that have no bone – just the meat. When I’m cooking chicken I am happy to butcher into a whole chicken carcass (so it’s not because it grosses me out or anything) but then when it’s cooked I get ‘lazy’ – I will eat the breast meat but I seem to always leave some meat on the bone. I hate chicken wings; i don’t understand the love and fascination that people seem to have with them – I think it’s a lot of work for TOO little meat – its primarily fat and skin… who wants to eat just that? Not me!

About a month-ish ago Mr A’s mum cooked a whole chicken. We all sat down to eat it – I took my serving of breast and Mr A gleefully watched as I ate the meat off the breast and then leave the rest. Mr A’s mum asked if I didn’t like the chicken – I said I was full… Mr A laughed; Mr A’s mum asked him what was so funny. Idiot-head Mr A told his parents the ‘thing’ I have over picking chicken meat off the bone. I sucked it up/held my head up high and told Mr A (and company) that we ALL have our quirks… and that if MY flaw is that I don’t do taking ALL the chicken meat off the bone well isn’t that pretty much nothing by comprison of some people’s ‘quirks’? I mean some people KILL and MURDER other people, some people fart a lot and others have sex with dead people… i mean come on!

Anyway; a week-ish ago we had a chicken dish for dinner… I could see the chicken was just pieces that had been cooked on the barbeque and had bones. To be honest I don’t cause a fuss about it; I just eat what bit of it i eat and leave the rest (i have no idea why it is such a big deal to everyone)! Mr A’s mum then pointed out one on the chicken pieces on the tray and said (while looking at me) “that one’s yours… because it’s a piece of breast without a bone!”

Seriously!
I am very lucky (alhumdulillah )!

The way to a daughter’s heart….

My mum is trying to lure me over to her place with promises of delectable sweets….

My ‘lil Ode to Jakarta, Indonesia…

Growing up I used to go to Indonesia more often that I can count; I grew up eating and smelling Indonesian foods and now that I’m not living with my mum I’m amazed at how much stuff I have managed to pick up from just watching her.

I think about the next time I’m going to head over there and am so excited at the prospect at bringing Mr A there; of showing him the places I go to each time I’m there; walking down Jalan Sabang; a street known for all its little restaurants and roadside vendors; taking him not just to all the pretty malls and they have but also the ghetto part where things are so cheap! Eating satay at a stall by the side of the road… having bubur ayam (chicken rice porridge) for breakfast… eating at the Padang restaurant… having pempek with udang goreng (fried shrimp)

Whilst blog surfing (I was actually looking for a recipe for an Indonesian layer cake – the search is continuing; I am asking mum for her recipe this weekend) I stumbled across this blog: http://selbyfood.blogspot.com/

Her pictures had me YEARNING for us (Mr A and I) over to Jakarta NOW!!! To soak up the atmosphere and taste the foods… while looking at some of the pictures I was transported back there… it had me on the phone to him right away

But before all of that here’s a small taste of the Jakarta that I can’t wait to show Mr A;

We’ll start with Jalan Thamrin:

Jalan Thamrin: i have NEVER seen it this 'quiet' before!

Remember I mentioned Jalan Sabang? 

jalan sabang; i can already smell the foods & hear the noise!

And some food: 

Bubur ayam (chicken rice porridge) for breakfast anyone?

The Bubur ayam cart - this is fresh!

How about some Mie (noodles) for a quick snack?

& here's the cart it came from!

How ‘bout we stop at a Padang restaurant for lunch – my treat?

Padang restaurant selection: where you only pay for what you eat!

Some fruit to ease the heat/chilli on the tongue?

I am craving Rujak Buah (fresh cut fruit with a chilli, peanut and palm sugar ‘chutney’)

How’s this for a portable/small business? Jalan Sabang is great!

Some freshly made serabi cakes to take back home?

Let’s get 10 ‘kue ape’ (ape cake) to share? They’re so delicious!

Then later on we’ll have ‘pempek’ after dinner?

Don’t even get me started on all the shopping malls…. Maybe I’ll do them next?

Here’s one to get you started – Plaza Semanggi (at night)… *sigh* ahh shopping; how I miss the Zara store…

Plaza Semanggi (at night)

Look what I made on Saturday night:

I made a beef rendang… from SCRATCH! The large pot was filled with coconut milk, chilli’s desiccated coconut + the mass of ingredients slow simmering for hours… I kid you not! I commenced cooking before 6pm and only just finished at a smidge over 9.40pm… that’s right – the whole time I spent standing in the kitchen either watching over this/giving it a stir or cleaning up after cooking it! It was well worth it though; I made it for Mr A and his folks and I they loved it! I had Mr A actually attack the last bits of it with a spoon from the serving bowl!

The only bad thing about cooking this is that it is SO good that it goes quicker than it is to cook… Mr A was like “oh you should make more next time” I shot me a not so nice look and asked if next time I should perhaps use 6 or 7 tins of coconut milk instead?? Oh my god – could you imagine how long it would be simmering on the stove for!

In the midst of my simmering (it down)…

The beef was SO tender that you didn’t need a knife; you got your fork close to it and it fell apart it was that tender… hmmm

 

it was SO good!

But then I decided to prove myself a brilliant wife in the making and make a chocolate, coconut and cherry slice with chocolate frosting!   

Hmmm; chocolate frosting!!!

It was delicious! Mr A is in fear that when we have our own place that there will be a high probability that he get fat from my cooking!

His mum and dad loved the slice!

And I totally enjoyed cooking for them and having them rave about it and fill up their tummies on my delicious rendang!!! I know it sounds strange but there is something beyond joyful that overcomes me when I see Mr A devour my food with such happy gusto… it is like I have somehow won this wonderful prize… lame huh?

How are some people allowed to be parents?

I read this in today’s news – it left me flabbergasted:

Mother didn’t notice girl was starving

AAP June 11, 2009, 5:22 pm

A woman’s insistence she didn’t notice her seven-year-old daughter dying from starvation is a “load of old rope”, a jury has been told.

Crown prosecutor Peter Barnett told the NSW Supreme Court the girl’s condition at death had been described as worse than that of Holocaust victims.

Yet the mother maintained she noticed no decline in the girl’s condition over the final year of her life, Mr Barnett said.

“What a great load of old rope,” Mr Barnett said.

“It has no value at all.”

The girl’s parents, who cannot be named for legal reasons, are standing trial after pleading not guilty to their daughter’s murder. The girl was found in the family’s Hawks Nest home, north of Newcastle, on November 3, 2007.

A post-mortem examination found she died of malnutrition and dehydration from starvation.

During his closing address, Mr Barnett said the girl had gone from being “chubby to being a bag of bones”, but the mother had told the jury she noticed no change.

“It must just be the most insulting thing said to your intelligence,” Mr Barnett told the jury.

“This death is down to her,” he said while pointing to the mother.

Mr Barnett said both parents were responsible for the child’s death but possibly to differing degrees.

“In 64 AD Nero sat and fiddled while Rome burned. In 2006 and 2007, these two people sat and fiddled while (the child) wasted,” he said.

“They both knew it was a dead-set certainty (she) would die. Yet they did nothing to help her. And that makes them guilty of murder, ladies and gentlemen.”

Earlier on Thursday, a pharmacologist said prescription drugs the woman was taking at the time of the death would not have prevented her noticing the child’s decline.

The court has heard the mother’s daily drug intake for three years up to the girl’s death included between six and 15 Valium tablets, eight to 10 Panamax tablets, two to six Voltaren Rapid tablets and eight Panadeine Forte tablets.

Defence counsel Dennis Stewart asked pharmacologist Associate Professor Graham Starmer of the impact the drugs would have taken on the woman’s state of mind.

Prof Starmer, called in the woman’s defence, said the woman was taking a “frightening amount” of paracetamol. He said that if taken over a long period the drugs could still allow a person to perform repeated tasks but new or complex tasks could be harder to perform.

Mr Barnett put it to Prof Starmer that the mother had been living day to day with the child from the time she was a “chubby six-year-old weighing 20kg” to the time she was found dead weighing 9kg.

He asked whether the combination of drugs could stop a person from noticing such a decline.

“I don’t think so,” Prof Starmer replied.

The trial before Justice Robert Allan Hulme continues at East Maitland.

 

Ummm, I’m sorry – is it just me but seriously; how would you NOT know that a person (a 7 year old child no less) that a person was starving to death?

Wouldn’t you think that if you hadn’t fed her for 2 whole days that maybe, just maybe she’d be a little hungry?????

Sometimes I honestly believe that there needs to be some ‘test’ that pre-determines if a person is suitable to the fulltime job of being a parent! I mean really? How on earth could she claim to not know that the child was hungry? So 2 or 3 days went past and the kid didn’t anything but hey – that doesn’t seem odd! The child is disappearing into what anorexics aspire to look like but hey – that’s completely normal!

I mean really! What is WRONG with these people? I don’t understand…

The moment of truth

*Fearful look on face*

I have been talked into going to a Step class this evening after work with Mr A’s mum!

It goes for a full hour!

Eeekkkkk!

For those of you who don’t know I am not particularly partial to exercise – I do it only as a means to an end in that I heartedly acknowledge that without some physical activity my Arab genes would take over and turn me into an overly rounded falafel!

I suppose I should be grateful in that at least this means I may look slimmer in my wedding dress(es)! And that it will mean that I may actually be able to engage in the odd serving of winter comfort food!

I even went for a brisk walk Sunday morning for around a good 45 minutes… wonders will never cease my dears… wonders will never cease!

Let’s forget about the fact that I had fish & chips for dinner Saturday night AND a small piece of caramel slice for dessert…

I’ll let you know how much agony I’ll be in tomorrow – wish me luck!

Anyone for a Burger or 10?

So I came across this very intriguing article that explains that there is tribe that practices the art of FATTENING their women to make them more ‘marriageable’!

There are some parts of this story that left my mouth agape at the extent they go to – imagine what these people would think if they realised that in Western Societies we have to treat Bulimia and Anorexia Nervosa… Think about it – here is a country where the men would turn away in disgust the Angelina Jolie’s and Kate Moss’ of the world!

Very interesting food for thought indeed!

Here’s the actual article:

Girls being force-fed for marriage as junta revives fattening farms

The women of Mauritania

Fears are growing for the fate of thousands of young girls in rural Mauritania, where campaigners say the cruel practice of force-feeding young girls for marriage is making a significant comeback since a military junta took over the West African country.

 

Aminetou Mint Ely, a women‘s rights campaigner, said girls as young as five were still being subjected to the tradition of leblouh every year. The practice sees them tortured into swallowing gargantuan amounts of food and liquid – and consuming their vomit if they reject it.

 

“In Mauritania, a woman’s size indicates the amount of space she occupies in her husband’s heart,” said Mint Ely, head of the Association of Women Heads of Households. ”We have gone backwards. We had a Ministry of Women’s Affairs. We had achieved a parliamentary quota of 20% of seats. We had female diplomats and governors. The military have set us back by decades, sending us back to our traditional roles. We no longer even have a ministry to talk to.” Mauritania has suffered a series of coups since independence from France in 1960. The latest, in August last year, saw General Mohamed Ould Abdelaziz seize power after the elected president tried to sack him.

 

A children’s rights lawyer, Fatimata M’baye, echoed Ely’s pessimism. “I have never managed to bring a case in defence of a force-fed child. The politicians are scared of questioning their own traditions. Rural marriages usually take place under customary law or are overseen by a marabou (a Muslim preacher). No state official gets involved, so there is no arbiter to check on the age of the bride.” Yet, she said, Mauritania had signed both international and African treaties protecting the rights of the child.

 

Leblouh is intimately linked to early marriage and often involves a girl of five, seven or nine being obliged to eat excessively to achieve female roundness and corpulence, so that she can be married off as young as possible. Girls from rural families are taken for leblouh at special “fattening farms” where older women, or the children’s aunts or grandmothers, will administer pounded millet, camel’s milk and water in quantities that make them ill. A typical daily diet for a six-year-old will include two kilos of pounded millet, mixed with two cups of butter, as well as 20 litres of camel’s milk. “The fattening is done during the school holidays or in the rainy season when milk is plentiful,” said M’baye. “The girl is sent away from home without understanding why. She suffers but is told that being fat will bring her happiness. Matrons use sticks which they roll on the girl’s thighs, to break down tissue and hasten the process.”

Other leblouh practices include a subtle form of torture – zayar – using two sticks inserted each side of a toe. When a child refuses to drink or eat, the matron squeezes the sticks together, causing great pain. A successful fattening process will see a 12-year-old weigh 80kg. “If she vomits she must drink it. By the age of 15 she will look 30,” said M’baye.

 

Historians say the practice dates back to pre-colonial times when all Mauritania’s white Moor Arabs were nomads. The richer the man, the less his wife would do – the preference being for her to sit still all day in her tent while her black slaves saw to household chores. Ancient Berber quatrains laud tebtath (stretchmarks) as jewels. Even today lekhwassar (fat around the waist) is given lyrical pride of place and girls sent for fattening gain the stature of mbelha. They are taught to sit in the lotus position, speak softly, use utensils and to emulate the exemplary lives of the Prophet Muhammad’s wives. Fattening of girls is practised beyond Mauritania, in northern Mali and rural Niger – areas conquered, along with half of present-day Spain and Portugal, by the Almoravid dynasty in the 11th century. The practice of fattening also continues in Nigeria’s Calabar state and north Cameroon.

 

The resurgence of the practice in rural Mauritania is a depressing setback for campaigners after previous education and awareness campaigns were apparently having a tangible effect. “The challenge we face is that these girls live in rural areas and do not have access to information,” said Ely. “Until the military coup last year, we had made strides. Ten years ago we ran information campaigns about the dangers of cardiovascular disease and diabetes. The government even commissioned ballads condemning fattening.” Many middle-class Mauritanians, among a population estimated at three million, claim the practice of force-feeding no longer exists.

Political scientist Mohamed el-Mounir, 38, claimed western influence had wiped out the allure of feminine fat. “Fattening is something from the 1950s. These days girls watch fashion shows on television. Their role models are American actresses or Lebanese singers in sexy dresses. Girls do sport. Yes, Mauritanian men like slightly round women. But there is no way we want them obese.”

 

Health and development consultant Mounina Mint Abdellah, 51, said she was force-fed as a child by her mother’s family. “Things have changed tremendously. When I left school in 1980 it would have been unthinkable for me to go abroad to study. But now, 30 years later, my daughter is doing her master’s degree in France. We owe a great deal to the fact that all girls are now expected to go to school. These changes have had a tremendous impact on ancestral practices. Fattening just seems out of date to a large part of Mauritanian society.”

 

But Ely and M’baye insist the fat “ideal” is back. Ely cites the life-threatening weight-gain practices of some grown women. “To remain fat, as adults, they take animal hormones or buy prescription drugs with appetite-enhancing side-effects. A woman died in hospital in Nouakchott last week. I’m afraid this problem is still very much with us.”

Bits that rendered me amazed, gob smacked and bewildered included:

The practice sees them tortured into swallowing gargantuan amounts of food and liquid – and consuming their vomit if they reject it. 

A typical daily diet for a six-year-old will include two kilos of pounded millet, mixed with two cups of butter, as well as 20 liters of camel’s milk. Matrons use sticks which they roll on the girl’s thighs, to break down tissue and hasten the process. 

A successful fattening process will see a 12-year-old weigh 80kg. “If she vomits she must drink it. By the age of 15 she will look 30,” said M’baye. 

It brings a whole new meaning to “fat camp” doesn’t it?

Sadly appalling.

Excited about the weekend

It’s a long weekend this weekend! Woo-hoo!!!

I bought my new boots yesterday & they look HOT! Woo-hoo!

This will be the first long weekend in lord knows how long where an argument will NOT be had between me & my mum over what I would like to do for the public holiday (versus what my mum would like me to want to do with my public holiday day off!). Woo-hoo!!!

This weekend is the weekend that I Mr A and I get our Wii and Wii Fit! Woo-hoo!!! I am very excited about this as I have been lusting after a Wii for the last few months… thankfully I didn’t even have to hint about wanting one as Mr A and I went to his friends house and they have one… we played tennis ‘against’ each other and it was so much fun! Since we’re actually a little lame and enjoy doing things together we are hanging to get one… so this weekend its set!

I get to hang out tonight with Denise after work tonight (Woo-hoo!!!)– normally on a Friday after work if I want to have a coffee with one of the girls I have to finish work early; get to café quickly, order coffee and chat with said ‘friend of choice’ whilst casually & inconspicuously watching watch to ensure that I am home by 6.30pm so as to not anger/upset/make cry/demonstrate un-love to my mum. Tonight I get to hang out, have a coffee and do the ‘good friend deed’ of taking Denise home rather than saying sorry that she still has to catch the bus because my mum will not be happy about me being home late! Before I forget – Woo-hoo!!!

I actually have nothing planned tomorrow night – Woo-hoo!!! I am beyond overjoyed that my Saturday night will be filled with nothing-ness! With the opportunity to do sweet ‘eff’ all! Woo-hoo!!!

And then I will get to (sort of) sleep in on the Sunday…. Woo-hoo!!! Then Susi and I are going to have Yum Cha/Dim Sum… oh my god – Woo-hoo!!!

And I will get to sleep in again on MONDAY!!!!!! Woo-hoo!!!

Seriously… I am beyond Woo-hoo!!!

The domesticated one!

I had a lovely weekend peeps!

I spent my Sunday doing a few things that were completely ordinary and mundane but somehow ended up far more enjoyable than I thought it would be… I cleaned Mr A’s bathroom and left it totally spotless! The man is more than impressed! I even went above and beyond the call of duty and decided to cook him and his folks a delicious curry that they’ll have for dinner tonight! AND I made a cake as well… how domesticated am I?

I had to go the Asian gourmet store as Mr A’s place doesn’t have all the ingredients I need/use. He was a little bummed that that was where I was going but after a little coaxing he went with me… oh it was too cute!

I have grown up my whole life in stores like this – I know how to cook a meal with quails eggs and I get excited at the sight of kang-koong (it’s an Asian vegetable – known in Thailand as Morning Glory – how weird is that?), rice noodles, mung beans, kecap manis  and all the chilli’s! I see galangal, cumin, star anise and cloves and my mouth waters with the thoughts of what I will be able to create! He has an Asian grocery store near his house that is really well stocked that he has never been to – it was awesome… normally when we go shopping he is the pro and knows how to cook everything and although he’s excited at all the ingredients I am the person who stands next to him in awe of his culinary abilities… yesterday he was picking up stuff going “oh my god – what’s this?”, “what would I cook this with?” and “can you read this and tell me what it says?” it was so wonderful to see him  be excited about something that I enjoy and see that I genuinely do like cooking. He has told me that from now on I have to take him every time I go there and that he is going to buy something he has never tried before each time… yesterday he’s request was quail eggs and chilli pickled bamboo shoots. So sometime this week I am showing him how to make a chicken soup with quail eggs!

I saw mum on Saturday and we actually had a ok day – I took Mr A’s advice who said that rather than try to discuss things with her and making her understanding how I am feeling/what I am thinking that since that has gotten me nowhere that maybe I should just not talk to her about this stuff – that I should just spend a day with her and see it as an ‘excursion’ and just enjoy it… as clearly my other method was not working at all! Well – it bloody worked a treat didn’t it? We went out shopping; we had a delicious lunch and even chatted in the car instead of the normal closed questions (which is what is generally exchanged!). I think I will have to do this more often as clearly she doesn’t want to make any headway at the ‘real’ issue at the moment… I suppose all in all it could be worse… I mean, I’m not living with her anymore so at least we’re not bickering about the same old; same old!

I took her to the Mosque on Sunday evening – that got a little hairy once we got back (from the mosque) as it was dark and she was like “please just sleep here? Come home – I am lonely at night”. Sometimes it really is two steps forward; one step back… oh well – we’ll get there soon insha-Allah.

Meanwhile just wait till I take Mr A to the Arabic grocery store!

A Chinese food virgin

Remember how I mentioned that I cooked for Mr A and his folks on Tuesday night – the meal was a huge success thankfully and has led to Mr A’s mum talking to his Nonna (this is Mr A’s dad’s mum… quick reminder: his dad side of the family are Italian and his mum’s side of the family is Greek) about the Asian food I made. Now I need to say that I think nonna is in her (very) late eighties; she’s soft-spoken and never has a bad word to say about anyone or anything. She is sweet, quiet and always smiling… she is very, very Italian; she doesn’t speak much English but seems to understand what we’re going on about most of the time (or at least has fooled us into thinking she understands by smiling sweetly!)… Nonetheless I was still surprised when I was told what she said to Mr A’s mum in her very broken English:

“What is this Asian food? What taste like?”

So in her decades in being in this country she has never, ever eaten Chinese food! EVER!

Guess what the family is doing Sunday night?
Taking out Nonna for Chinese food!