A career the many benefits

Recently I saw a job vacancy at ASIO – for a few minutes I had thought about applying but decided against it as it was at the same level with the same pay and I am of the notion that you don’t move sideways, you move up – I ain’t no crab! It made me smile (about the job vacancy) because this is the second time that this intriguing acronym has crossed my path!

 

As per most government employees, we seem content and intent to stay within the framework of the public sector – I don’t quite know if this is because we genuinely prefer to work for the government per se or rather that we’ve come to see that the private sector is a touch fickle and that the amount you’re able to move around is dependant on the size of the company… that and the fact that things in the public sector are far more regulated, they encourage leave and have no qualms if you move between departments.

 

FYI: ASIO stands for Australian Secret Intelligence Organisation

 

So while I was flicking through the job description (because I was thinking about applying) I saw that all applicants had to explain why they wanted to work for ASIO – this made me think about possible notable mentions that led me to think (albeit for a split second) what their reactions would be if they got any of the following reasons for choosing ASIO:

 

Based on ASIO’s current drive towards monitoring and irradiating any possible terrorist activity & the concentration towards certain minority groups (namely Muslims) I feel that forging a career with ASIO would drastically immobilize my mother’s activity in finding an alternative partner for me.

 

Being employed with ASIO would drastically decrease the likelihood of other Arabs & Muslims being interested in me. Although most are innocent Muslims (that being said there are a few small time dodgy Arab ones out there!) the notion of a having a potential daughter in law who works for secret intelligence instils a sense of foreboding & nervous fear.

 

Being employed with ASIO would ensure that I would always have a great conversation-ender to the constant question; “so – where do you work?”

 

Employment with ASIO would provide me with constant enjoyment; especially when at the mosque (or other such Muslim function) where there would undoubtedly be a silent tension whenever I enter a conversation (as they would jump to the conclusion that I was ‘working undercover’)

 

I am certain that through employment with ASIO & their strong security measures that I am certain extend to their office that it would be a building that my mum wouldn’t suddenly just show up to (PS> Where is your office by the way? As nobody I’ve asked  seems to know!).

 

Hmm… maybe I should apply? I wonder if any of these reasons would get me short-listed?

 

Hehe – makes me think about my first run in with ASIO- my, my that was an eye opener indeed… but you don’t want to know about that do you?

 

Or do you?

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Ode to my 3G retail days

3G

3G

 

Oh those were the days – where me and Denise would stand around wishing to finish our respective degrees and get into the full-time job-world; to start our careers… but since I am clearly in this reflective mood of when I worked at the 3 store and remember all the good things I thought I would share them with you – just in case any of you are thinking of applying….

 

  • How we were paid to play with mobile phones and could make as many personal calls as we wanted on the shop floor because it was “research” and “product knowledge”

 

  • Popping the work phone’s SIM into your mobile & being able to download a myriad of ring tones, games and videos

 

  • The free reign to the latest & greatest mobile phones and being able to be paid to surf the net.

 

  • The crazy & angry customers… the weir customers… in some strange sick way we enjoyed them and their tempter tantrums! Denise had one guy that complained to her for ages & even when she said that she couldn’t help him he said he knew that but was complaining to her because it was less painful than hitting his head up against a brick wall! He continued ranting on & on for another half hour until I finally pretended there was a call for her!

 

  • Trips to Coles supermarket for chocolates, custard tarts (Amanda’s favourite), Tim Tams, ice coffee or Donuts with our manager (Justin) always, always volunteering to go & then would return with goodies only to leave on the guise of ‘a walk’ & be gone for another 45 minutes.

 

  • Justin coming into work to open the store and then leave at 9.30am because he had an hour chiropractic appointment but somehow wouldn’t be back at the store until about 2 or 3pm!

 

  • Justin’s “don’t care attitude” to us when we said ‘we’re just doing to get a new top from Live’ or ‘we’re a bit bored so we’re going to have a look in JeansWest’ & then coming back 20 minutes later with a new item of clothing!

 

  • That insanely quiet first Christmas when we had NOTHING to do because we ran out of phones (????) and so we spent the extended trading hours either on the net or going shopping – whilst still being rostered on!!

 

  • The glazed look Justin would have on his face (that we all knew meant “I really do not care & am thinking about something else) when customers would insist to ‘speak to the manager’

 

  • The fights outside the store on a Thursday night that was almost inevitable regardless of how much security the shopping centre put on that night! it was always safest to walk to your car after a fight because the number of security & police around tripled

 

  • The night I walked back to my car and saw a guy laying on the ground around my car & thought nothing of it (hey, it was in Carousel shopping centre, fights and strange people were commonplace – there was a pub close to our store that did not help the situation) except ‘eewww – dodgy drunk guy sleeping next to my car’ only to discover the next morning that some guy had been stabbed and his body lay in the car park… where MY car had been… oops! He survived (in case you’re wondering).

 

  • The Gelare (ice-cream place) dates Denise and I had every single Saturday after work to chat & gossip about our respective lives, the torment of never-ending assignments and boy problems!

 

  • Haha – when Denise & Louis first got together and how he would come into the store… Denise you KNOW what I’m talking about here – I will NOT incriminate you and elaborate…

 

  • The excitement when Kristen (fellow staff member) kissed Sharpie (her male house mate who she’d known for YEARS) for the 1st time!!! And when she came in all sad, torn and crying because the night before he had told her he loved her but she didn’t love him back… & then finally when she admitted she was in love with him!! Sigh!

 

  • Or how about the time Adam & his girlfriend broke up? When a customer would respond with “I’m fine, how are you?” he’d start crying & actually hugged a few customers (????)! how when they were going out he swore black & blue he’d NEVER marry this girl & yet when they broke up he was a crying baby claiming he’d lost “the love of his live”, ‘the mother of his future children”, “the woman he was going to marry”.

 

  • How he was sent home numerous times because of the excessive crying over said girl!

 

  • Calling the retail support line in India and listening to the pseudo-names they had chosen that day! Because who is going to believe that India’s common female name was Paris?

 

  • The day Alisha stood there confused in front of a ‘woman’ when her passport read: Gender: Male and a pic she thought was someone else… we stood out the back & ascertained that we had to mark the gender as male even though he dressed and looked like a she & the student card read ‘female’ (the passport is seen as primary ID…)

 

  • All the training seminars held at the Rydges Hotel that provided an open bar to everyone else and rather yummy finger food!

 

  • The terminology: a power re-set was a as complex as switching off the mobile, taking out the battery, removing the SIMcard and then putting it all back together (& obviously switching it back on). Most problems were initially resolved at this point! It always had to be done out the back of the store so customers assumed what we were doing was far, far more intricate than what it actually was!

 

  • Justin’s sheer laziness genius in task delegation resulted in us writing our own reference letters (about how wonderful we were) & him just signing it when we were done!

 

Ooohhh – there are so, so many more… but these are but a small viewing into it all!

Looking for a new job in 2009?

I got this great email from Deb (at work) that I just had to post… to anyone who is wanting to have kids?

Job Description for a Parent.


POSITION
:


Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mum, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work

in an often chaotic environment.


Candidates must possess excellent communication & organizational skills

Be willing to work variable hours;

which will include evenings & weekends


Frequent 24 hour shifts on call.


Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends

& endless sports tournaments in far away cities!


Travel expenses not reimbursed.


Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities:

The rest of your life.


Must be willing to be hated…

at least temporarily… until someone needs $5.


Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.


Must also possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
& be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, (this time) the screams from the backyard

are not someone just crying wolf.


Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges;
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
& stuck zippers.


Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars &
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.


Must have ability to plan & organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages & mental outlooks.


Must be willing to be indispensable one minute & an embarrassment the next


Must handle assembly & product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys & battery operated devices


Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst


Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product

 

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance &
janitorial work throughout the facility.

Possibility for Advancement & Promotion:

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining; 

Constantly retraining & updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

Previous Experience:

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Wages & Compensation:

Get this! You pay them!


Offering frequent raises and bonuses.


A balloon payment is due when they turn 18

because of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent


When you die, you give them whatever is left


The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right 

 

Can I just say that I am a little worried…  I already do quite a lot of these items with my mum… susi – we may end up feeling déjà vu in our role(s) as parents!