The working mother = The guilty parent…

This parenting and working caper, I feel is such an insidious game on the emotions. It creates a barrage of guilt and emotions and I feel it either too difficult or far too irrational to explain to hubby.

How do I explain that it pains me so that it has been SO long since missy has called me mama. That her first word was mama and was music to my ears; all through our holiday it was two weeks of “mama, mamamamama… mama!” and now nothing unless she’s hurt herself. Sh’s saying SO many other new words… but no mama. 

On the days I am not working we have such fun together, we laugh, we play, we eat together – we get stuff done. She is my entire world – I adore her beyond words, but it breaks me inside when she wants to go to others in the family and doesn’t seemed particularly fazed when I go to pick her up…

 

I am sure (sort of) that is a just a phase (hopefully) – any thoughts people? 

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“Have a baby… it’ll be fun!” they said

I noticed that no one bothers to tell you that EXHAUSTED doesn’t even begin to describe how tired you will be… and now with lil missy being sick – I am BEYOND tired that I actually can’t sleep! How crazy is that?

I was at work on Monday (the day my mum has missy) and had literally only been there a couple hours when my mum calls saying that Amira had vomited nd seemed ok now but that she’d keep me posted; 20 minutes later I got another call with mum telling me to come home as she’d been vomiting again and was not herself at all! Thank goodness for where I work – I was outta there in 15minutes and on the road to my baby…

She looked so sad; so clammy and forlorn – I scooped her up and took her straight to the doctors (thank goodness I always have more than a few of my own doctors so I had more than one medical centre to chose from!). We sat in the waiting room and she just sat there on my lap, snuggling in close to me, sucking her dummy and resting her head against my chest. That is SO not like her during the day – usually she’s all ‘go, go, GO’ so the fact that she was resting and all affectionate the WHOLE time made me know that she was NOT well!

She’s at about 65% now I think; she had a virus and apparently that’s explained why the weekend just gone was a little “trying” with me being up more than a couple times during the night. Today there were moments where she was at her smiling, cheery self but she’d get so tired so quickly  but wouldn’t stay asleep for very long because she was coughing… poor little thing. It literally breaks my heart seeing her not herself…

It’s almost crazy when I think about it; that I can be up and down SO many times during the night, have to CONSTANTLY be tidying up after her (she is like a tornado these days!), feel so exhausted and yet I wouldn’t change it for the world! I am certain that seeing your baby sleeping, or seeing them reach out to you with those hands and the look on her face hits a reset button within your heart. It’s in those moments that I look at her and feel recharged… its crazy…

It makes me think… maybe we should have another one!

 

Crazy huh?

 

Vanity post baby – A Changed Body

It’s now 9 weeks since the birth of my lil girl and whilst I’m trying not to think about it I cannot help but notice the changes that no one ever mentioned may happen! Don’t get me wrong – I knew I’d gain weight and I KNEW I’d have to put in work to get my stomach back into the shape it once was but there are other parts I am surprised about…

My ribcage… Strange huh but I SWEAR this has gotten bigger/wider; I tried on more than a few of my dresses & whilst the zipper got up halfway up my back there was no way it was budging around the rib area… And it’s not about fat as far as I can see! It makes me wonder if that means that even though I may lose my post baby belly I’ll now be a little “wider” in my dimensions!

My hips & ass… Now I knew my hips would get wider but I didn’t realize so too would my ass! The two things I AM grateful for about the increase in hip & ass size is that: (1) hubby actually likes the “hippy-er” me (go figure!) and (2) when I was going Zumba+gym+raw food crazy leading up to my wedding I’d actually lost quite a bit of “butt plump-ege” so now having it back ain’t SO bad!

But I don’t want to be that person who only laments and focuses on the negative… I KNOW that I’m only this way about my body because I AM my own worst critic and I was rather slim pre-baby, so this really is going to take some getting used to (with the changed shape) whilst I TRY to work it off! Anyway, as I said, there are other things that I am VERY grateful for; I literally slathered on the Bio Oil all through my pregnancy from 7weeks to 1 month after the birth all over my bust, stomach, thighs and butt (husband would constantly make fun of the post shower “oil slick”) and now, thank goodness I have not one stretch mark! And I did take my mums advice with not wearing heels (except for 1 dinner function and 1 engagement party) to avoid varicose veins – whilst I HATED not wearing heels to work (it was reeeaaalllyyy hard in the beginning before I looked obviously pregnant – I do so enjoy wearing heels) I am grateful to report that at no point did I experience seriously swollen feet or hands & I didn’t get any varicose veins!

And let’s not forget the most absolutely amazing gift of all that I now have: my beautiful Amira! She amazes me and humbles me on SO many levels… I love her beyond words, she is my soul – I truly feel my heart beats for her…

The baby that won’t sleep

What’s happened to my baby? She’s now eight weeks and the last two days have been chaotic!

I blame the “festive” season & the heat here in Aussieland… Our place sadly has no air-conditioning; which seemed an ok money saver when we were building but now we’re in the house & summer has arrived it has NOT been fun for hubby (strangely I deal better with the heat – hubby is certain this is because of my “desert people” heritage!) and now with baby I must admit I feel terrible for her… Especially since she can’t seem to get a decent sleep unless she’s swaddled (have you tried to swaddle a baby in 40degree Celsius heat?).

So, back to the baby – for the last week any semblance of “routine” has been thrown out the window… Hubby’s been off from work & likes to go out so that already affects lil Amira’s routine with me, then there was Christmas day (+night) at my inlaws which meant a SERIOUS disturbance to her sleep structure… Then boxing day at my mothers then dinner that night at the inlaws, then there were other get togethers we had to attend & let’s not get me started on the new years+birthday party we had to attend…

And now I am back at square one again I feel… With a baby who I’ll have to go through the “cry it out” method for a bit as over the last week she’s been molly- coddled by everyone who goes “Ooohhh isn’t she cute?” and wants to touch & hold… *sigh*

Then yesterday I noticed that getting her down in the daytime was beginning to NOT happen… Like, three quarters of the day from 9am to 8pm was spent with her being awake… Is this normal? Shouldn’t she be sleeping more? Isn’t that why they say it’s ‘eat, play + sleep’ not eat, play, eat, play etc… Seriously it’s enough to make me run from the house in frustration! To make me really test my patience my mum will continuously call me during the day… At first I tried answering each call – thinking that maybe if I DID speak to her once a day she’d be satisfied, but then she’d be like “oh, I’ll talk to you later on this afternoon ok?” to “come over again tomorrow with the baby…” to “why don’t you & the baby sleep over sometime” to her wanting to talk to me 3-4 times during the day… I mean what ELSE is there to talk about? And just because I’m officially not at work doesn’t mean I have nothing to do – I have a bloody newborn baby to contend with!

So – if anyone has any advice or hope for me; especially in relation to daytime no sleeping baby I would VERY MUCH appreciate it!

I Have NEWS!

Awhile back I was writing about how there are times in our lives when certain thoughts just will NOT leave us (When thoughts just won’t leave); But since then there has been a major update in life and i am more than excited to tell you all that….

WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!!!

I am currently exactly 13 weeks pregnant; i couldn’t bring myself to say anything any earlier, even though in all honesty my blog and the desire to write about it was on my mind more than once. But i was scared after what had happened last time, so i hope that you will forgive me from keeping this news from you all!

The picture below is obviously not me; i mean – i only just hit the 3 month mark and whilst i am steadily gaining weight i am trying to not be as painfully “about my weight” as i usually would. There have been moments where i am gripped with fear about the fact that i am wanting to eat SO much and that annoyingly if i try to ignore the urge to eat i start to feel like i want to be sick or start to feel a headache coming on… alas the little ‘cupcake’ already has power over me and i succumb to food…

Last week Mr A and i had our 12 week scan – since then i have found a shift in my thoughts… I have another human being growing inside of me! it is the most surreal and emotionally massive thought. I lay there as we heard the heart the heartbeat… Subhanallah – we are so grateful that everything is coming along as its meant to. I cannot explain to you the feeling that totally seems to overcome you and your partner/husband when you see your baby on the screen and hear its heartbeat for the first time; it is truly beyond words… i’ve seen movies like Knocked Up and Juno where they show the character seeing the baby for the first time… but when its your baby and inside of you it is MASSIVELY different!

Anyway; in the next couple days I’ll update you on how I’m feeling etc… i just wanted to share the news with you all!

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What’s in a name? Baby Names 101

There is a point where enough is enough is ENOUGH already! Where nurses/doctors/midwives have an obligation to newborns and their future development and assimilation into society and NEED to tell parents that some things ARE NOT A NAME!

In the last few weeks I have been receiving details regarding actual childrens names that make me wonder if people are signing birth details for their children far too soon before the effects of epidural or drugs have worn off.

I mean; whatever one might want to say about Muslims, Wogs, Desi’s, brown people or ethnics at least we give our children REAL names – names that mean something; whether its religiously or culturally; they are names that stand the test of decades; passed down generation to generation.

The following names are ones that have been seen on a birth certificate in the last month!

Strawberry (apparently it’s a female name)

Butterfly (another female name – but wait her middle name is just as maddening – Indigo!!!)

Peetree-nella (yep – her first name has a hyphen in it!!!)

Virtue (hmm – I wonder if these parents are being hopeful that by calling their daughter ‘Virtue’ that she will have some?)

Kyeesha, Sharnell and Mayeelia – this ONLY works if you are from the ghetto or wish to remember your ghetto ‘ancestry’ it does NOT work when you are Caucasian and NOT from the Bronx/Ghetto! And don’t EVEN get me started on the fact that these 3 children are SIBLINGS!

Do these people not realise that whilst famous people can name their children after inanimate objects that this is primarily because they are famous and therefore have LOTS OF MONEY and therefore will not be entirely scarred for life! I mean think about it; Apple might be a pretty crap name for a child but at the end of the day that kid can say that her mum is Gwyneth Paltrow… push comes to shove she can at least hire a hit-man to pay off the bully at school!

I mean seriously – what is wrong with good old fashioned names like John, Matthew, Allan, Mohammed, Jason and Ali? Hmmm? What so absurd about Miguel, Michael or Abraham/Ibrahim – obviously nothing to a lot of people… BUT then there are others that I seriously wonder about…  Do these parents forget that their child will have this name FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE? Have they forgotten how mean/creul and unfeeling other children in the playground at school can be? These parents may think its a great ideal to call their child Danielle but then decide to spell it Daniieyle – what is UP with that?

So – any odd names that you’ve heard of lately?

Tired just thinking about it

Well peeps – it’s Friday; the weekend is imminent and I for one will be glad once its over! Just thinking about what we’ve got planned this weekend has been exhausted. Tonight after work I am off with Mr A to help him find some new pants that he needs to match these new shoes he bought that in turn match the dress that I am wearing. This weekend we have: a wedding + reception to go to, Greek Easter and then on the Sunday we have his cousin’s baby’s christening to go to.

 

Before someone/anyone gets on my case about being a Muslim going to a christening and the whole ‘haram’ it may be let me say this: our beloved prophet preached respecting our fellow people of the book – if any of you want to throw down the gauntlet and request for examples or lament in opposition I am more than happy to read and respond to your comments… but I warn you – don’t get me started! Mr A’s parents and family isn’t Muslim but their still family and they more than accommodate and respect for the Muslim ideologies that have been introduced and implemented into their households. I could go on about this as I am more than a little passionate about this issue of religious harmony and cohabitation but will leave here for the sake of getting to the crust of the intention of this post.

 

SO, about the christening – I haven’t been to many (read: 1) so I think it’s safe to assume that I don’t have hordes of knowledge on the matter. But from what I’ve heard + the one that I went to its pretty much a church thing then back to the parents place for finger food.

 

Mr A’s cousin (the mother of the baby to be christened) is going seriously all out for this 3 month old. First (in the morning) is the christening at the Roman Catholic (well, they are Italians!) church (which I don’t have to go to…yay!) where said lil boy will be wearing the lil christening dress and dunked in water – I have no doubt that crying will be loud and constant post ‘dunking’!

 

Then we have an early lunch that is meant to go for ages. When I spoke to said cousin on Sunday she told me that each table will have a platter of salt & pepper squid for appetisers (oh my lord – how many people on each table and how many tables are there really going to be???) which is when the waiters will take our choices for the main meal (what the??? Is this normal??) Which is a choice of either freshly made Gnocchi or rib-eye steak or a swordfish dish. After that we have the option of either tiramisu or some other dessert which as of Sunday seemed like would be gelato. Does anyone else besides Mr A and I see that this is madness – its for a baby who is 3 months for goodness sake! We’re getting this feast while he gets milk…. And its formula at that!

 

More and more I (as well as Mr A) am seeing that this little boy is going to grow up a whiny brat who will cry and throw tantrums to get what he wants (as it’s working already and he’s only 3 months old)!

 

At lunch on Sunday every time so much as a peep was heard on the baby monitor his mum would get up and check on him. at one point for a good 40 minutes the only female at the table was me as all other females (baby’s mother, her sister, the baby’s grandmother, Mr A’s mum and another aunty) were in the nursery trying to calm him down… when I asked what the frig was wrong with him (besides being molly-coddled to death)  the baby’s dad (who wasn’t worried at all) said that he (the baby) was all grumpy because he hadn’t done a poo all day!

 

OH MY GOD! I felt like getting up into that nursery and telling them to leave him alone – none of their actions are going to make him take a dump! When Maria (baby’s mother) did finally come down I asked how she got the baby to sleep “oh, I had to rock him in my arms until he fell asleep”!!!!

 

The funniest answer came from Mr A’s mother when I lamented to her that all this ‘fussing’ was actually not good for the baby and his long term development (gee – developmental psych much?): “well, my grandchild won’t be like that!”

 

Sheesh…. I can honestly say that Mr A and I are more than excited when the weekend comes to a close!

 

I never thought I’d see the day when I’d say this but bring on Monday!