Hello Baby!

Well here I am… A mum; on the 31st of October I had our little girl! No one could have prepared me for the huge overwhelming feeling that would change things.

It was amazing; there is SO much that happens to a woman’s body that they don’t seem to tell you or prepare you for in those antenatal classes – like you know it’s going to hurt & you realize that labor may take “awhile” but nothing & no one seemed to prepare you me for the other stuff…

They say you’ll look at your baby & you’ll love then straight away; I was SO unprepared by how moved your soul is the moment they placed her on my chest; in that moment (and I KNOW it’s going to sound pathetically cheesy) I knew that I was made to be this little ones mum… I looked at my husband & could not believe that we had been given this glorious gift from Allah! And as athan was read to her I realized everything that every other mother had gone through to bring their child into this world.

Bur it’s not all sweet smelling roses; let’s back it up for a bit: you don’t quite realise how much pain the child birth is going to be. That the epidural is brilliant but that the first parts of labor are surreal & so scary because if they hurt that much already what happens when they’re longer & MORE intense?

Then there’s the pain after; this strange sensation when you go to toilet & realize that you’ve lost your bladder control… What the? Why did NO ONE tell me that???? Hmm?? And when I mention it to my doctor she says that it’s “normal” and that I’ll be able to get it back (she also mentioned that i should be grateful that I made it to toilet in time as she’d had other patients that had lost all control – is that meant to make me feel better?)… That’s not the point – no one told me that this was going to happen!

No one told me quite how possessive I’d be over my baby – that I’d want others to just let her sleep & to stop fawning at her or constantly picking her up or just standing there staring at her or passing her along to every other set of arms… Or how this lil human would affect my relationship with my mum; so tgat I seem to now have even mire patience with her; that her madness is slightly more understood now… That she went through all this to have me… And then it makes me want to call my sister in law and tell her that she NEEDS to be nicer to her mum & that its NOT her life!

And even though I went to a “class” on breast feeding & settling NO ONE seemed to prepare me about just how hard breast feeding is! It’s SO much harder than you think & that when she won’t “latch on” you’ll blame yourself & think YOU’RE the failure!

I’ve thought this so often already; that I’ve failed her already… She’s just a baby & I’m trying the best I can but she’ll take SO long to settle now; or she’ll cry for aggggeess and she’s fed, changed etc so why is she crying this much?

Let’s not even get me started on the lack of sleep! Of the midnight feeds then the 3am feeds then the 6/7am feeds…. Not to mention the settling after…

But I love her SO much it scares me… I look at her & could cry the worlds ocean in tears by how much I love & want to protect her… And it scares me; this massive journey of parenthood & being a mummy scares me as we’re both just winging this….

And through all of this (the pregnancy, birth & first few days after) I had always thought that the labor would be the scary, daunting part… But what comes after is clearly the real tough stuff!

xx

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tasneem
    Nov 24, 2012 @ 07:33:35

    congratulations! I am so happy for you.

    Reply

  2. Razia khan
    Jan 11, 2013 @ 07:56:23

    Awww she is gorgeous. Congrats!!
    Dont be too hard on yourself regarding how you look.. Remember your womb has to go back to original size and that takes time. Also she could be crying cos she has gas in her tummy and its hurting. Thats very common. I had a caesarian section so my birthing experience was a breeze. Tbh i didnt feel a motherly instinct to Abdullah instantly but once we got home, that changed. Enjoy your lil bundle cos they grow too fast!!

    Reply

    • daysofarabianlives
      Jan 17, 2013 @ 12:11:08

      Razia: They really do grow up SO fast! I cannot believe she’s already almost 10 weeks! Where did the time go? I’m sorry to hear about the “delayed reaction” you had to Abdullah; but I have heard that this can happen with some women. Alhumdulillah all is well now though! I am making a conscious effort to let go of my body insecurities – one day at a time I suppose!
      Yeah – she does look quite a bit like hubby! She has my curly fuzzy hair though…

      Reply

  3. Razia khan
    Jan 11, 2013 @ 19:35:58

    P.s. she looks like the hubby 😉

    Reply

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