Looking for a new job in 2009?

I got this great email from Deb (at work) that I just had to post… to anyone who is wanting to have kids?

Job Description for a Parent.


POSITION
:


Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mum, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work

in an often chaotic environment.


Candidates must possess excellent communication & organizational skills

Be willing to work variable hours;

which will include evenings & weekends


Frequent 24 hour shifts on call.


Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends

& endless sports tournaments in far away cities!


Travel expenses not reimbursed.


Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities:

The rest of your life.


Must be willing to be hated…

at least temporarily… until someone needs $5.


Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.


Must also possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
& be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, (this time) the screams from the backyard

are not someone just crying wolf.


Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges;
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
& stuck zippers.


Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars &
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.


Must have ability to plan & organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages & mental outlooks.


Must be willing to be indispensable one minute & an embarrassment the next


Must handle assembly & product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys & battery operated devices


Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst


Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product

 

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance &
janitorial work throughout the facility.

Possibility for Advancement & Promotion:

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining; 

Constantly retraining & updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

Previous Experience:

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Wages & Compensation:

Get this! You pay them!


Offering frequent raises and bonuses.


A balloon payment is due when they turn 18

because of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent


When you die, you give them whatever is left


The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right 

 

Can I just say that I am a little worried…  I already do quite a lot of these items with my mum… susi – we may end up feeling déjà vu in our role(s) as parents!   

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